The Beginning is the End

The End is the Beginning

11/22/63 by Stephen King

September 9, 1958, 10:58 AM  – 19632011
George Amberson – Jake Eppling Yellow Card Man (Kyle)Green Card Man (Zach Lang from Seattle)

person (n.)

c. 1200, persoun, “an individual, a human being,” from Old French persone “human being, anyone, person” (12c., Modern French personne) and directly from Latin persona “human being, person, personage; a part in a drama, assumed character,” originally “a mask, a false face,” such as those of wood or clay, covering the whole head, worn by the actors in later Roman theater. OED offers the general 19c. explanation of persona as “related to” Latin personare “to sound through” (i.e. the mask as something spoken through and perhaps amplifying the voice), “but the long o makes a difficulty ….” Klein and Barnhart say it is possibly borrowed from Etruscan phersu “mask.” De Vaan has no entry for it.

From mid-13c. as “one of the persons of the Trinity,” a theological use in Church Latin of the classical word. Meanings “one’s physical being, the living body; external appearance” are from late 14c. In grammar, “one of the relations which a subject may have to a verb,” from 1510s. In legal use, “corporate body or corporation other than the state and having rights and duties before the law,” 15c., short for person aggregate (c. 1400), person corporate (mid-15c.).

The use of -person to replace -man in compounds for the sake of gender neutrality or to avoid allegations of sexism is recorded by 1971 (in chairperson). In person “by bodily presence” is from 1560s. Person-to-person is attested by 1919, originally of telephone calls.

See the source image

mask (n.)

1530s, “a cover for the face (with openings for the eyes and mouth), a false face,” from Middle French masque “covering to hide or guard the face” (16c.), from Italian maschera, from Medieval Latin masca “mask, specter, nightmare,” a word of uncertain origin.

It is perhaps from Arabic maskharah “buffoon, mockery,” from sakhira “be mocked, ridiculed.” Or it may come via Provençal mascarar, Catalan mascarar, Old French mascurer “to black (the face),” which is perhaps from a Germanic source akin to English mesh (q.v.). But it maybe a Provençal word originally: Compare Occitan mascara “to blacken, darken,” derived from mask- “black,” which is held to be from a pre-Indo-European language, and Old Occitan masco “witch,” surviving in dialects; in Beziers it means “dark cloud before the rain comes.” [See Walther von Wartburg, “Französisches Etymologisches Wörterbuch: Eine Darstellung galloromanischen sprachschatzes”].

Figurative meaning “anything used or practiced for disguise or concealment” is by 1570s.

mask (v.)

1560s, “to take part in a masquerade” (a sense now obsolete); 1580s as “to wear a mask,” also “disguise (feelings, etc.) under an assumed outward show;” from mask (n.) and French masquer. Military sense of “conceal” (a battery, etc.) from the view of the enemy” is from 1706. Related: MaskedmaskingMasking tape recorded from 1927; so called because it is used to block out certain surfaces before painting.

Entries related to mask

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Maybe sharing this comment I just made in response to Obama/ Biden worshippers insulting me and calling me a ‘Trump Chump’ who ‘can’t be reasoned with’ will deter further attacks from these criminal-politician-de-voters. Perhaps not. Worth a try, I figure.

Really hilarious how blind most are to their own shadow projections. This woman I have never encountered in my life, who knew nothing about me, just ass-umes because I loathe the Biden/ Obama/ Harris CORPORATE-CONTROLLED PSYCHOLOGICAL MANIPULATION/ OPERATION that, well, that MUST make me a Trumpet supporter.

Emotionally incontinent, fracking idiot mind-slaves everywhere, on BOTH sides of the AISLE. If you de-vote yourself to criminals, Neo-libs or Neo-cons of the Deep State, Corporate-Criminals-Totalitarian State of Aff(ai)rs, you are Response-able for the con-sequences, such as this current ILLEGAL LOCKDOWN TYRANNY which is destroying peoples’ lives, NOT the novel crown ‘virus,’ which in its etymology means ‘poison.’

You idiot Donkey democrats are just as irrational and hysterical as the ones you call Trump Chumps, you moronic clowns, you pathetic excuse for ‘grown ups.’ Go frack yourselves, every last miserable one of you. There is NOTHING progressive or liberal about de-voting yourself to corporate fascists like Biden/ Obama/ Harris, no more progressive or liberal than being a ‘Trump Chump,’ you know the ones who you are scapegoating as the supreme evil in the world so that you don’t have to look in the mirror at your own rotten kisser.

“Thank you, Sandra, and your idiot ‘friend’ See ya, for showing that you are absolutely no friends of mine. How the hell were you on my friends list to begin with?! And, as I wrote to your trolling Biden-worshipping ‘friend’ before I deleted her grotesque and insulting comment (which included my response), I am NO TRUMP CHUMP, as she called me, and her claiming that I am just shows how ignor-ant and lame she is. She just ass-umes everyone who stands against the corporate criminals Biden and Harris MUST sup-port the Trump-et.

For all the idiots out there who don’t know, there is this THIRD option you have as a free-will/ free-choice endowed autonomous, self-governing, individual, conscious humane being (which obviously the both of you and your kind long since ceased caring about being): Political independence. I do NOT believe, give ANY credence/ credit/ belief, to the System and its Two-Party-Corpse-orate-dominated puppet-re-present-atives. They do NOT represent me and I do NOT believe LIARS! Wake the frack UP.”

The State/ Government has 0 Legal/ Legitimate Right on this Land to cross the Boundary and Violate your First Amendment Right to Free Speech, Assembly and Religion. If we don’t fight to keep the Legal Wall intact, the future generations will not even remember ‘God’ or ‘The Bill of Rights’ (first 10 Amendments to the Constitution), the Constitution or Religion, let alone remembering that they have legal protections as individuals against violations/ infringements by monolithic, draconian government/ state power.

Fact Check This

18. Black Friday →

17. 12-21-12

Posted on November 26, 2011by kylegrant76

118. 8-04-11: $5.54 @ 5:44 pm

119. 8-19-11: $21.33 @ 3:21 pm

120. 5-14-11: $11.66 @ 11:55 am

121. 9-05-11: $33.48 @ 4:33 pm


PKD’s Exegesis (cont.)

“41. The Empire is the institution, the codification, of derangement; it is insane and imposes its insanity on us by violence, since its nature is a violent one.”


‘The pilgrims of retail hit the beaches of America on this Black Friday.’  This is the last thing Charlie hears on NPR before heading into work for a 6am shift.  Charlie remembers hearing someone say that the more aligned one is with one’s purpose, the more centered and present one becomes- the more one follows one’s bliss- the more one attracts synchronicity.

The synchronicities at the checkstand and otherwise flow in with ever greater frequency now.


Your dream is reality and your reality is dream.  Your sleeping reality and waking reality combine to form Total Reality.  The two hemispheres of your brain are the two in one and the one in two.  Your Psychology and Art show you this.  Your next evolutionary leap comes when the Global Brain awakens, when a critical mass of humans shift their awareness and experience to Total Reality.  You are the Crossroads.  You are at the Center, even as you are not.


‘It represents the two in one and the one in two,’ says Charlie to the Customer.  ‘We are two, but we are also one.  We are the intersection point, the crossroads where the horizontal meets the vertical, where inner meets outer, where Heaven meets Earth,’ says Charlie.

The Customer seems to grow more interested.  It seems there is more purpose to the synchronicities now.  The Customer seems more involved.  Charlie feels he must be on the right track.  The proof of the pudding is in the eating, as his ex-girlfriend Annie, a devotee of Sri Krishna, always said.

See Charlie letting go.  Walking down the wooded Path bathed in light.

He is done once and for all with Dualism, done with pitting the opposites and compliments against each other, done taking sides and arguing, done holding onto guilt, pain and fear, done resisting the flow.  All is One.  He has lain down his sword and shield down by the riverside, nothing to defend.  He prays for peace, peace and perfect peace.  There is no longer anything to prove.  His anxiety, fear and grief fade like a morning fog into the distance.  He is ready for whatever comes his way now, no matter what it is, no matter how pleasurable or painful, beautiful or horrible.  He is cutting through the illusion of duality.  He is seeing the Signs.  We are all One.  All time is One.  Reality is dream and dream is reality.

When Charlie looks at the world news headlines and sees the sorrow and weariness in the Customer’s face, he remembers that it is always darkest before the dawn.

Are we on the verge of the Dawn?

On December 21, 2012 the Earth and Sun will be aligned with the center of our Milky Way Galaxy, what the Mayans called the Mother of Creation or the Celestial Womb.

Perhaps it all leads up to this day, perhaps it is indeed the singularity of Terence Mckenna’s Time Wave Zero, perhaps the Earth gives Birth.  Perhaps this is it.  Perhaps as we draw closer to Winter Solstice 2012 the curtain is lifting- perhaps as we speak the veil separating Heaven and Earth is lifting.  Perhaps it is destiny and the fulfillment of ancient prophecy.  And perhaps Charlie is part of it, this unfolding Cosmic Mystery; after all, he is a branch on the Tree, a thread in the Magic Carpet, and so are you.  May we honor and celebrate this and continue down the Path with Grace, together in our separation and separate in our togetherness.

We are the Key and We are also the Lock, even while we are neither of these.


122. 4-22-11: $13.91 @ 3:19

← 17. 12-21-1219. Backgammon →

18. Black Friday

Posted on November 26, 2011by kylegrant76

123. 11-25-11: $29.22 @ 9:02 am

Knowing everything you know nothing

Knowing nothing you know everything

That is what Charlie recites inside on Black Friday.  Can you hear it?

You are in the Portal.  It is not a portal to Charlie’s brain- it IS Charlie’s brain.  While it is also not Charlie’s brain, and neither of these simultaneously.


PKD’s Exegesis (cont.)

“42. To fight the Empire is to be infected by its derangement.  This is a paradox; whoever defeats a segment of the Empire becomes the Empire; it proliferates like a virus, imposing its form on its enemies.  Thereby it becomes its enemies.”


See Charlie yesterday, which is also today, yet neither yesterday nor today.  See him at the Checkstand at the Beginning of the End.  See him scanning groceries for the Customer in his signature super-efficient-quick-draw-rapid-fire style, unloading and scanning the groceries simultaneously while also attempting to engage the Customer in polite conversation.  See Charlie’s brown dreads swinging as he scans.  Hear the rhythmic beeping of the laser scanner; it sounds kind of like a hospital’s heart monitor, you say?  Hear Charlie’s heartbeat synchronizing with the beeping, as it also synchronizes not only with the Customer’s heartbeat but also with the Earth’s Pulse, or resonant frequency, as you call it.

See Charlie press Total and say, ‘Your Total is $29.22 please.’  See him then notice that the Time is aligned with the Total.  It is 9:02 am.  See him then turn his monitor to show the Customer the Alignment.

See the Customer, a tall, sophisticated-looking bald-headed man in his fifties wearing glasses, smile, raise his eyebrows and say, ‘Wow, that’s interesting, isn’t it?’

The heart monitor has momentarily stopped.  The heart skips a beat.  ‘Yes, I will write this one down here.’  Charlie feeds out a little piece of receipt paper and writes down the date, time and total.

‘What do you think it means?’ asks the Customer.  This is one of the questions the Customer always asks.

See Charlie sitting now at his computer in his bedroom.  See him notice a text come in from his brother Jack.  The text reads: ‘I’m almost at mile 22,222 in my xtera.  Haha.’  Charlie told Jack all about 22 on Thanksgiving.

‘It’s the order within the randomness,’ says Charlie to the Customer.  ‘It’s meaning itself,’ says Charlie to the Customer, smiling and bagging the  groceries.  The daylight shines through the big windows in front of the checkstand.  These windows facing out on the parking lot and Route 1 are the best thing about Unique American Grocery Store #506.  ‘We’re the point where the inner and outer, the horizontal and vertical meet.  We stand at the Crossroads.  We’re in a House of Mirrors.  Even though we’re two, we are one,’ says Charlie as he flashes a smile.

‘Yes,’ the Customer says knowingly as he smiles back at Charlie.

‘I’m writing a book about this.’


The Customer’s smile fades, his brow furrows a bit underneath his glasses as he looks out the window at the Black Friday traffic on Route 1.  He gestures toward the traffic, says something about ‘Out There,’ Black Friday and the insanity of the consumer cult, to which Charlie gives an understanding nod.

‘It’s the illusion,’ Charlie says.  It’s the illusion within the reality and the reality within the illusion, yet while it is both of these it is simultaneously neither of these.

Do you hear the Pulse?


124. 10-14-11: $11.56 @ 6:56 pm

125. 8-25-11: $20.80 @ 8:20 pm

126. 11-25-11: $6.47 @ 9:47 pm

127. 8-20-11: $42.70 @ 7:42 pm

128. 10-08-11: $71.34 @ 7:34 pm

129. 11-19-11: (Charlie’s ‘last call’ purchase at Keith’s checkstand) $10.95 @ 9:15 pm

130. 11-19-11: $12.64 @ 6:46 pm

131. 6-13-11: $49.38 @ 4:38 pm

132. 7-11-11: $230.66 @ 6:23 pm

133. 9-9-11: $6.34 @ 6:34 pm

134. 9-5-11: $20.22 @ 5:22 pm

135. 11-19-11: $33.52 @ 6:33 pm

136. 11-25-11: $13.25 @ 12:35 pm

137. 9-19-11: $70.44- 44 items

138. 6-11-11: $94.34 @ 3:49 pm

139. 11-19-11: back to back totals- $34.00 & $42.00

140. 10-09-11: $9.95 @ 5:59 pm

141. 3-06-11: $11.01 @ 1:01 pm

Another Emergen-C box is now empty!

19. Backgammon

Posted on November 27, 2011by kylegrant76

See John, miraculously cured, sitting cross-legged on the beach.  See Walt sitting across from him.  ‘Two sides, one is light and one is dark.  You want to know a secret, Walt?’


PKD’s Exegesis (cont.)

“43. Against the Empire is posed the living information, the plasmate or physician, which we know as the Holy Spirit or Christ discorporate.  These are the two principles, the dark (the Empire) and the light (the plasmate).  In the end, the Mind will give victory to the latter.  Each of us will die or survive according to which he aligns himself and his efforts with.  Each of us contains a component of each.  Eventually one or the other component will triumph in each human.  Zoroaster knew this, because the Wise Mind informed him.  He was the first savior.  Four have lived in all.  A fifth is about to be born, who will differ from the others: he will rule and he will judge us.”


See Charlie Grant sitting across from Jimmy Godwin.  Charlie and Jimmy are still just a couple of kids on the verge of awkward and wayward adolescence.  They are in Jimmy’s home on Essex Ave. in Swampscott, enjoying their daily session of backgammon.  Not long ago Jimmy taught Charlie how to play backgammon and Charlie loves it.  The two, who are also one (and, of course, neither one nor two simultaneously) play backgammon like this every day for a couple of months before moving on to Uno.

See Little Charlie as a shy and polite paperboy, each day (except Sunday) dutifully delivering the Daily Evening Item-to 30 or so Customers near his home at 56 Crescent St. in Swampscott- before heading to Godwin’s red house for games and imaginary concert performances.  They are the Godwin-Grant Duo.  Godwin’s guitar is a tennis racket.  Godwin and Grant are back to back alphabetically all the way through High School, which ensures they stay connected through their awkward and wayward adolescences.  Which in turn ensures they stay connected into adulthood.  It’s all about the seventh letter of the alphabet, the letter G, Charlie thinks.  G is the Key.


See Charlie sitting here, imagining he is here sitting by himself in a booth in Atomic Cafe in Marblehead, dreaming that he got out of bed and walked over here for coffee and a sandwich.  It is yet another sunny and mild late November day in coastal Massachusetts.  Belle and Sebastian on the stereo, over and over Charlie hears the refrain, ‘Get me away I’m dyin.’

‘Time goes slow when you’re not busy,’ says one of the guys working behind the counter…’What are you even saying?’

‘I’m saying just relax man.  Let life happen,’ says the other guy working behind the counter.

Charlie is neither a Relativist nor an Absolutist.  He is a Relative Absolutist and an Absolute Relativist, even though he is also neither of these.

Charlie lets life happen.  Charlie flows in the Now.  He is Nowhere and Now here.

While little Charlie and Jimmy sit playing backgammon at Jimmy’s house on Essex Ave. in Swampscott during the year 1987, they also sit all grown up in the year 2011 in Tres Hermanos on Paradise Rd. in Swampscott eating burgers and fries and catching up on things.  Jimmy is on the North Shore visiting his mom during Thanksgiving weekend.

‘I identify only partially with this Charlie who sits before you, the self of the five sense world,’ says New Charlie to New Jimmy.  It’s been two years since Charlie and Jimmy last saw each other.  Jimmy lives out in the Berkshires now.  He is a journalist.  He tells Charlie he is trying his hand at Freelance work for the first time this year, which Charlie thinks is cool indeed.  ‘Then I put the other half of my identification in the invisible, extrasensory self.’  This is what Charlie has been trying to convey to Jimmy all along.  Finally he is able to make it intelligible.  A corner has been turned.

‘That’s like what my fortune cookie said earlier,’ says Jimmy.  ‘It told me to abide in the Invisible Self or something.  Then it told me how to write apple in chinese and gave me some lottery numbers on the other side.’  Jokes and much laughter about the convergence of profound wisdom and banality ensue.

Jimmy understands Charlie’s statement in the context of Eastern Philosophy.  Charlie confirms this precedent and, holding out his hands, explains that he has no intention of founding a new religion or spiritual movement.  ‘This is just what I have found works for me,’ he says.

‘Another backgammon match ends!’ shouts little old Jimmy on Essex Ave in 1987.  Jimmy pulled off another close call victory over Charlie.  Jimmy goes to the other room to get his tennis racket.

Simultaneously Jimmy and Charlie rock out to Wilco at Tanglewood in 2008, during the time Charlie visits Mass from Santa Fe.  All time is one, while it is also not one and neither one nor not one.  Two sides, one is dark and one is light.

Once upon a time you were dreaming reality and reality dreaming.


Charlie listens to NPR on Black Friday.  He is on break at work, sitting in the car and resisting the urge to go buy a pack of American Spirit cigarettes.  This is day four without a cigarette.  ‘….clear benefits to shyness, we are finding.’  The voice is that of a female psychologist.  ‘We find in shy kids a heightened conscience.’  Charlie is given more reason to accept himself.  In his introversion he is extraverted and in his extraversion he is introverted.

Charlie sends his friend Joe Smith a text message after he says farewell to Jimmy.  ‘Resisting giving in to craving for a cigarette.  This is the internal Battle.  Though I am on the side of Health and Creativity in the battle against Sickness and Destruction, I am not on any side.  I am on all sides and no sides.  Yet I am neither of these also, of course.’


142. 3-31-11: 6:44 pm- same customer in same week- $62.00 & $102.00

← 19. Backgammon21. Once Upon a Time →

20. Kokopelli

Posted on November 28, 2011by kylegrant76

143. 08-26-09: $15.30 @ 5:30 pm


Charlie stands behind Jimmy in line at the burger shop.  Jimmy orders his burger.

‘Two patties!’ bellows the young woman at the counter.  Her bellow is so loud and with so much bass that Jimmy is visibly blown backwards, a motion reminiscent of Kramer in Seinfeld.  This causes Charlie to nearly fall over laughing.

‘You can’t make up stuff like that,’ Charlie says to Jimmy as he begins using the self-service soda machine.

Do you hear the Pulse?


PKD’s Exegesis (cont.)

“44. Since the universe is actually composed of information, then it can be said that information will save us.  This is the saving gnosis which the Gnostics sought.  There is no other road to salvation.  However, this information- or more precisely the ability to read and understand this information, the universe as information- can only be made available to us by the Holy Spirit.  We cannot find it on our own.  Thus it is said that we are saved by the grace of God and not by good works, that all salvation belongs to Christ, who, I say, is a physician.”


144. 7-17-07: $21.10 @ 2:01 pm

145. 7-17-07: $30.42 @ 2:43 pm

‘That’s really weird,’ says Lisa Smith.  She just heard Charlie tell her about his introduction to crazy number ‘coincidences,’ the synchronicities he experienced with 22 and 33 while living in San Diego.  It turns out Lisa Smith, one of Charlie’s supervisors and a native Californian,  is not one to just dismiss and mock number synchronicities.  Lisa says she always seems to notice when the time is 11:11.  She tells Charlie that she quit smoking a little over a year ago now, on November 11, Veteran’s Day, 11-11, her father’s birthday; Charlie tells her his father’s birthday is 11-22, the day of JFK’s assassination.  Charlie’s birthday is 5-29, JFK’s birthday.

‘That’s really weird,’ says Lisa Smith.

This is last night, which is also today.  While it is neither last night nor today.


This is how Charlie is weaving his story into the Great Story, the Book of Life and Death.  This is how Charlie finds his place on the Tree of Life.  This is how Charlie finds out where he is woven into the Magic Carpet.

This is the beginning of the end, in addition to being the end of the beginning.


See Charlie awaken from sleep.  See him in bed.  His bed is not where it usually is.  It is not in his bedroom.  It is not even indoors.  It is in a parking lot somewhere, it looks like Lynn.  It is a bright sunny day.


‘Yes, I’ll help Nick in the dairy box once I finish bread,’ says Charlie to Lek Smith.  Charlie stands on a Little Giant step-ladder in the bread section.

‘Wow, you knew what I was going to ask you before I even finished saying it,’ says Lek.

‘Yeah, I got a fortune cookie a while back that said- You find you know things without being told.’


‘Yeah, we all can do that sometimes, right?  It’s because the mind is out of the confines of time and space.  It is in the Now.  So it can access what we think of as the future, you know?’

‘Really!?’  Charlie’s probably going way over Lek’s Albanian head here.  Charlie enjoys Lek.  He especially enjoys imitating Lek’s Ray Romano sounding voice.

‘You know how you mentioned Knowings to me that night in the break room, in reference to the number synchronicities at the cash register?’

‘Yeah, Knowings, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but I like that movie.’

‘I told you how my dad mentioned it to me as soon as I got home that night, right?’


‘Well, I’m suspecting that was a sign.  That what is happening here with me is like what happened to Nicholas Cage’s character and his son in that movie.  That aliens and/or angels are communicating in code.’

‘Could be.  I believe that sort of thing is possible,’ says Lek.

‘Me too,’ says Charlie.


146. 3-10-10: $33.06 @ 6:06 pm


Charlie is smoking his last cigarette, given to him by Peter Johnson.  It is last Monday night after work, even though it is not.  Getting cold outside.  Frost on the back of Charlie’s Chevy.  He just etched a drawing of Kokopelli into the frost.  He was inspired to do this because he saw a tiny Kokopelli in the frost patterns.

‘There’s another one (Kokopelli),’ says Joe Smith, pointing to the pattern of tree shadow on the pavement.  They’re seeing Kokopelli everywhere now.

Who is Kokopelli?

Wikipedia says: ‘Kokopelli is a fertility deity, usually depicted as a humpbacked flute player (often with a huge phallus and feathers or antenna-like protrusions on his head), who has been venerated by some Native American cultures in the Southwestern United States.  Like most fertility deities, Kokopelli presides over both childbirth and agriculture.  He is also a trickster god and represents the spirit of music.’


The clock has just struck midnight.  It is now May 29, 1976 and you are in Union Hospital, downtown Lynn Lynn, the City of Sin.  Disco balls, American flags and cocaine everywhere.  Bodies writhing and gyrating in dark beds.  The strobe lights give you a seizure.  The Pulse gets louder and quicker.  Rosie Evelyn Landry Grant has been in labor every 2 minutes for 9 hours.  Her son is two weeks late.  His heart monitor suddenly drops dangerously.  Kokopelli dances within and all around the hospital room, playing his flute.

Being born, I am not born.  And dying, I do not die.


147. 4-22-10: $6.03 @ 6:33 pm

21. Once Upon a Time

Posted on December 2, 2011by kylegrant76

148. 2-12-09: $19.57 @ 9:57 am

The Pulse quickens yet again.  Then it skips a beat.  It is nearly time for the Birth.

Once upon a time there was a man named Charlie.

Charlie watched the last half of Serendipity on cable.


PKD’s Exegesis (cont.)

“45. In seeing Christ in a vision I correctly said to him, ‘We need medical attention.’  In the vision there was an insane creator who destroyed what he created, without purpose; which is to say, irrationally.  This is the deranged streak in the Mind; Christ is our only hope, since we cannot now call on Asklepios.  Asklepios came before Christ and raised a man from the dead; for this act, Zeus had a Kyklopes slay him with a thunderbold.  Christ also was killed for what he had done: raising a man from the dead.  Elijah brought a boy back to life and disappeared soon thereafter in a whirlwind.  ‘The Empire never ended.’”


He wanted his life to be a magical mystical love story too.  He yearned to find his missing puzzle piece.  He had been trying so hard to live from the Heart Center, to move from the Third to the Fourth, to be Centered.

Bring him his other half.  He is ready.

Joe Smith is lost.  He doesn’t get why ‘half the people you work with are smith.  But some have different last names?  I don’t get it.’


Once upon a time there was a man named Joe.  He had a squirrel trapped under his sink.  He already had a pet dog and a pet cat.  He didn’t want a squirrel, too.  ‘I tried smashing it with a broom handle, but it escaped to a trapped corner within the walls.  Awesome.’


‘There are 3 Smiths.’ Charlie tells Joe via text.  ‘You will get it.  Even as you will not.  And you neither will nor will not. This is in the book btw.  Even as it isn’t.’


Once upon a time it was December 2, 2011.  Charlie watched a youtube video from the AP.  Devastation wrought by hurricane force Santa Ana winds in the southwestern U.S. yesterday.  Charlie read yesterday’s Bigfreewolf blog post about the Japanese prophecy for December 2011.  He read it quickly in the wee hours, so he planned on going back to give it another look perhaps.  Perhaps not, too.  Charlie was weary of all that stuff.  He just wanted his life to be a mystical-magical-meaningful-true-love-story too.

Inside his heart the seas will part.


Once upon a time there was a Bananaman with a Liverpudlian accent.  ‘Fact is fiction and fiction is fact,’ said Bananaman.


Charlie attempted to write about his life while documenting the number synchronicities he had collected at the cash register.  He gave himself and the people in his life fictional names.  The fictional first name he gave himself was Kyle, which was his ‘real-life’ middle name.


It was the Grand Finale.  ‘Simultaneously, fact is not fiction and fiction is not fact,’ said Bananaman to the Customer at Cash Register #3, The Checkstand at the Beginning of the End, which was also- it goes without saying- the End of the Beginning.  ‘Why would you strive to be normal?’ asked Bananaman.  ‘Normal is just statistical average, totally abstract and unreal.  Is that what you want to be?  Or do you want to be who you really are?  Each person has something unprecedented within waiting to be brought forth and added to the mix.  When you discover and abide in who you really are, you are free.  When you strive to be something you are not, like normal, you are imprisoned.’


Charlie tells Ted Peaceman, one of his supervisors at Unique Grocery Store #506, about the Kokopelli vision in the parking lot last week.  Ted, a Californian like Lisa Smith, takes out his silver money clip and shows it to Charlie.  There’s Kokopelli again, to Charlie’s wonder and delight, right there playing his flute on Ted’s money clip.

Silver Starr walks by and says something obscenely affectionate and affectionately obscene.


Penny Moon is still smoking a cigarette in the basement.  It is still 1997.  She still hasn’t met Charlie; and meanwhile it is also still 1976, and Rosie Grant is still in labor with her first son, Charlie, at Union Hospital in Lynn Lynn the City of Sin.

The Pulse nearly stops.  Kokopelli plays his flute louder.


149. 2-10-10: $49.29 @ 4:29 pm

Yellow Card Man

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“Yellow Card Man”
AuthorPaolo Bacigalupi
Genre(s)Science fiction novelette
Published inAsimov’s Science Fiction
Publication typeMagazine
Publication dateDecember 2006

“Yellow Card Man” is a science fiction novelette published in 2006 by Paolo Bacigalupi. It was nominated for the 2007 Hugo Award for Best Novelette.[1] The story serves as a prologue for Bacigalupi’s novel, The Windup Girl.


Plot summary[edit]

The story follows Tranh, the once wealthy head of the multi-national “Three Prosperities” trading company, now a refugee suffering from PTSD, who is forced to eke out a living in the slums of a future Bangkok.

Genetically engineered plant pathogens have destroyed much of the world’s crops, and Western biotech companies are busy selling disease-resistant seeds to third-world countries, while also re-engineering the pathogens to destroy the new plants after a few years, so that the companies can re-engineer the seeds to be resistant to the new diseases and thus repeat the cycle.

Prejudice and ethnic tension have boiled over in Malaysia, resulting in the Malays slaughtering the other ethnic groups. Tranh barely escaped the mobs, having seen his family hacked to death by machetes and his successful business looted and burned. He has made his way to Bangkok and has been granted refugee status—a “yellow card”. Most refugees are despised and are relegated to scrounging for the lowest day-laborer work.

Ma, a former employee whom Tranh had fired for stealing, had left Malaysia for Bangkok well before the massacres, and thanks to having been in place before the flood of refugees, was able to find well-paying work.

The story opens with Tranh waking up late and rushing to get to a company he has heard will be hiring new employees. On his way, he encounters Ma. Tranh notices that Ma is wearing Tranh’s old Rolex watch, which Tranh had been forced to sell for a pittance in order to survive. Ma, seeing that Tranh has noticed the watch, mocks Tranh for having fallen so far, and taunts Tranh for having once told him that individuals “make our own luck”, that success is solely a result of earning it and that luck plays no part.

Finally arriving at the factory, Tranh finds that the rumor of job openings is true, but there is already a line of hundreds of refugees waiting ahead of Tranh for the interviews. Tranh talks with some friends in line, discussing how all of them are highly educated and formerly successful men—physics professors, heads of corporate legal departments, or like Tranh the former head of a multinational trading company—and so are all far overqualified for the three jobs as low-level managers. The seething frustration of other yellow-cards is directed at Tranh for “cutting in line” even though it obviously does not matter, so he leaves. Needless to say, the jobs are filled by the first few interviewees, long before the remaining hundreds of refugees are interviewed.

That evening, Tranh sees Ma again at a restaurant, and Ma invites him to eat and to talk. Ma thanks Tranh for having fired him, since it saved his life by forcing him to leave Malaysia long before the massacres. Ma explains to Tranh that he bought the watch because he recognized it and wanted it as a memento mori—a reminder that if a successful major company like “Three Prosperities” could fall, so could he. Ma tells Tranh that thanks to his work, he has finally gained Thai citizenship and will no longer be a yellow-card refugee. Tranh begs Ma for any sort of job, but Ma tells him it is impossible, that line work at his factory is not open to crippled refugees when legal Thai workers are available, and that Tranh’s business experience does not qualify him for the sorts of scientific research for which a work permit could be obtained.

The next day, Tranh is injured while unloading a cart of potatoes, when a megodont—a genetically engineered elephant—goes on the rampage; his knee is destroyed, leaving him badly crippled. At that, he is fortunate, for one of his friends is killed by the animal. Tranh gets the supervisor to pay him double, both his own wages and the dead friend’s, as compensation; he wastes the money on a last bottle of whiskey and hobbles off to await starvation and death.

However, while drunk and laying against a building late that night, Tranh sees Ma leave a brothel with his business manager, who departs in a pedicab. As Ma begins to walk home, Thai police accost him for being out after curfew, and when Ma attempts to explain that he is a Thai citizen, the police, hearing his Malay-Chinese accent, beat him and rob him for failing to grovel his respect.

Ma, badly beaten, begs Tranh to help him get home. Instead, Tranh murders Ma, smashing his whiskey bottle and slashing Ma’s throat with the broken glass. He then robs Ma of his papers and money and takes a rickshaw to the factory where Ma worked. Although it is late at night, he knows there will be a job opening in the morning, and he wants to be the first in line to apply.


Bacigalupi changed the name of the character from “Tranh” in the short story to “Hock Seng” in the novel, stating that his conception of the character had changed.

In the recent Stephen King novel, 11/22/63, a character is called the Yellow Card Man, and is later found having slashed his own throat with a broken whiskey bottle.


  1. ^ The LOCUS Index to SF Awards

External links[edit]


4. Synchronicity Number 70 and Beyond →

3. Little Numerology Card

Posted on November 17, 2011by kylegrant76

It’s just a little business card looking thing, decked-out in primary colors.  For such a small thing it is jam-packed with revealing and exciting information.  It is just like you, O Dear Cruel World.  Here’s what the Little Numerology Card says:

Numerology: Pythagorean Numerology connects you to Life Events & Meanings- The Meanings in your Name, Birth Date & Important Life Possibilities. 

1. AJS Red  2. BKT Orange  3. CLU Yellow  4. DMV Green

5. ENW Blue-Green  6. FOX Blue  7. GPY Deep Purple   8. HQZ Violet  9. IR Maroon

Then, the card goes on to list all of the letters of the alphabet and their numerical correspondences.  For example, A is 1, B is 2, C is 3 and so on.

This little haggard card represents my introduction to Pythagorean Numerology and I love it.  Growing up here in the U.S. at the end of the 20th century and going through the rigorous indoctrination into Capitalistic Consumerism, I learned nothing about Numerology.  I only learned about Mathematics, which seemed utterly dry and dull as presented to me by the teachers of the public education system, especially Ms. Green in Eighth Grade Algebra.

Numerology and Synchronicity have showed me that numbers are Archetypes: they are active, alive and ancient symbolic characters & key players in the mysterious and unfolding drama of the evolution of consciousness.

How much more interested and inspired I would have been in Math class had I looked at numbers this way in school!

Numbers are everywhere and everything, yet nowhere and nothing, perhaps just like us and our small, beautiful world.  Perhaps we ourselves are Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious.  Like fractals, patterns that endlessly spiral inward, recurring endlessly.

Dear God, are you like a computer programmer?  You created and designed the program of life and then let it run, do its thing, occasionally intervening from your side of the veil, but for the most part maintaining a hands-off approach?

The Master Numbers

When I was 21, I moved to what I learned is 33.5 degrees North Latitude, San Diego, California, with a 33-year-old woman named Penny Moon.  This remarkable ‘coincidence’ caused me to look into the number 33.  I proceeded to learn the following about the number 33: it is the Master Vibrational Number of Universal Service, which I read in the book 11:11 by Solara, which was given to me as a birthday gift by Penny.  In Japan there are 33 steps leading to the shrine of Kannon, goddess of mercy.  33 is the number of the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, Lord of Compassion, in the ancient Indian Vedas.  (The current Dalai Lama is believed to be an incarnation of Avalokiteshvara.)  There are 33 degrees of initiation in the ancient Scottish Rite of Freemasonry.  Christ is said to have been crucified at the age of 33.  There are 33 vertebrae in the spine.  And don’t forget the Rolling Rock bottle cap and Larry Bird.

So, I turn 22-years-old on May 29, 1998 in sunny San Diego, 33.5 degrees North Latitude.  I no longer work at Natural Wonders in the Mission Valley Center.  I have two nice little part-time jobs, one as a grocery-bagger at Henry’s Marketplace on Park Boulevard, a short walk up the alley from my little studio apartment at 4012 Georgia St.  The other job is at the beautiful single-screen art-house cinema on Adams Ave. called The Ken Cinema, which opened in 1947 and was- and still could be- one of the few remaining movie theaters with a carbon-rod projector.  I loved my job at the Ken, even though it payed little.  It was during my two years working there that my love and appreciation for the art of film solidified.

So, yeah, I turn 22, just after all that stuff with 33 turning my head and making me wonder what the heck is going on.  I have those two jobs and I am enjoying San Diego a great deal.  The weather is so nice and calm, especially compared to the erratic New England weather with which I am accustomed.  I ride my bike or walk 45 minutes to my job at the cinema.  I get called in to see the Matrix- and several other movies- for free (one of the perks of working at the movie theater), I walk 10 minutes to beautiful Balboa Park, stroll between Eucalyptus and Palm swaying in the breeze coming off the Pacific, the lovely scent of jasmine and honeysuckle occasionally entering my nasal cavity, walk the desert-like Florida Canyon Trail to the cactus garden and then smell roses in the beautiful circular Rose Garden, go to the Natural History Museum and the famous San Diego Zoo free of charge (another perk to working at the movie theater.)  I am feeling super-connected and delighted to be alive, something hard to come by in the alienated consumer society.  My mind is alighted by books I read, like Alien Agenda by Jim Marrs.  I take the U.f.o. phenomenon seriously and join the San Diego U.F.O. Society, attending bi-monthly presentations in Mission Valley.

I turn 22 and I learn the following:  The number of the customer service department in which I work at Henry’s is, you guessed it, 22.  And the movie theater where I work, Ken Cinema, is Theater Number 220 in the Landmark Theater Corporation.

First 33 and now 22?!…

I will have you know that before these experiences I had no knowledge of these numbers and their meanings in Numerology or Mysticism or anything else.  I couldn’t help but feel (and still can’t help but feel) that it was somehow some kind of prearranged trigger designed to awaken me to the indwelling spirit, a reminder of the divinity within and all around.

Here’s what the Little Numerology Card says:  ’11 & 22 (and, in some numerology systems, all multiples of 11) are Master Numbers.  11 & 22 are not reduced to single digits (like 32, for instance, which is reduced to 5 by adding 3 & 2) when applied to unusual/exceptional persons.  11- Humanitarian, Visionary 22- Universal Love, Wisdom, Influential & Spiritual…Numbers embody living truths.’

The Little Numerology Card teaches you how to find your Soul Vibration Number (derived from the vowels in your full name at birth), your Personality Vibration Number (derived from the consonants in your full name at birth), your Destiny Vibration Number (derived from all the letters in your full name), and your Life Lesson Number (derived from the numbers in your birthdate.)

My whole life is synchronicity, and maybe everyone’s is.  I told you about the synchronicity of my birthday.  I have the same birthday, May 29, as the famous President John Fitzgerald Kennedy and my father’s birthday is the day of President Kennedy’s death, November 22, or numerically expressed, 11-22.


PKD’s Exegesis (Cont.)

“20. The Hermetic alchemists knew of the secret race of three-eyed invaders but despite their efforts could not contact them.  Therefore their efforts to support Frederic V, Elector Palatine, King of Bohemia, failed.  ‘The Empire never ended.’”


Guess who the Little Numerology card uses as the example of how to come up with your Soul Vibration, Personality Vibration, Destiny Vibration and Life Lesson: John Fitzgerald Kennedy.  Well, when I saw this at Pyramid Books in late 1999, I just had to buy it.  You may be New-Agey and have frayed-edges, but I love you, Little Numerology Card.

The Yellow Card Man Is Very Important

Much like in soccer, the Yellow Card Man in 11.22.63 serves as a warning for Jake Epping in his travels through time. However, instead of an official referee, the Yellow Card Man is a drunk who hangs around near the portal that Jake uses to travel through time. He initially serves no clear purpose, and then ends up with a slit throat and his yellow card turned to black. It’s not until we meet Green Card Man that we learn the cards serve as indicators for a portal-keeper’s sanity. Green is good. Yellow isn’t bad. Black is very bad. Protecting the portal seems to be a very difficult job, but why do they do it? Where do they come from? Who assigns them to a portal? These questions, unfortunately, don’t come with answers — at least not in King’s novel.

JFK Is Saved, But At What Cost?

The big spoiler is that Jake Epping successfully saves JFK, which is the end of the story right? Wrong. So Wrong. During his trips to the past, where he tries some test runs by preventing deaths he knows will occur, Jake discovers that for every death he prevents a new one is caused. When JFK is saved, a massive earthquake kills 7,000 people in California. If that wasn’t bad enough, when Jake returns to the present he discovers that the entire world has become a ruined landscape, as saving President Kennedy altered history and caused the Vietnam War to go nuclear. This is in addition to a series of other things happening including entirely different presidents than the ones we’ve had since JFK, and the Civil Rights Act not passing. Suddenly the question isn’t “How can I save JFK?” it’s, “Should I save JFK?”

It’s Secretly A Love Story — A Tragic One

11.22.63 is presented as a time-travel thriller, which it absolutely is, but it’s also a love story. More than anything else, the story ends up being about Jake’s love for Sadie Dunhill, a resident of the small Texas town where he spends a few years of his life before confronting Lee Harvey Oswald. When Sadie is introduced, the story becomes not just about altering history, but what someone is willing to fight for to make sure everything turns out OK, and eventually how to accept that sometimes things will not turn out for the best — and that’s OK too. Sadie’s story seems to come to an end when she is shot by Oswald in a confrontation at the Texas School Book Depository that prevents JFK’s assassination, but nothing ends cleanly when time travel is involved. In the end, Jake can only save her life by making sure he never meets her in the first place.

11.22.63 gets weird, but it also gets real. A story about living out time-travel wish fulfillment becomes a story about love, loss, and how everything that happens — good or bad — forms who we are both as individuals and as a society. It also has some mysterious people hanging around rifts in the space-time continuum that have a color-coordinated hat/card code and it’s never really explained what their deal is. While the Hulu adaptation may not stick to these exact plotlines, they serve as a guide for what to expect as you embark on 11.22.63, and provide fair warning to keep some tissues handy once Sadie is introduced.

The Yellow Card Man
EvaSep 08, 2012 11:43PMI was expecting to discover that the Yellow Card Man was Jake. I liked the idea of his older self hanging out near the portal waiting to warn his younger self not to go through. That’s why the man would ask “Who the fuck are you?” to everyone who entered. He wasn’t sure he’d recognize his younger self, and living near the portal was making him lose it.

The identity of the Yellow Card Man was my only dissapointment. I loved the book otherwise. Did any of you have something else in mind for the Yellow card Man?

Bud Pearce

BudApr 20, 2016 04:38AM   2 votesI just finished the book, very enticing! It had me emotionally drained by the end of it…as well as heartbroken for Jake (George). About the Yellow Card man, did anyone else make a connection with this?

As Jake comes through the portal the second time, the Yellow Card Man is now the Orange Card Man. He never knows why, but goes back to tell Al that his color changed. After finally meeting Jonny Clayton later in the book, we read that he has dyed his hair to orange to not be recognized. As I read this, I instantly thought that this was some sort of “harmony” that keeps happening. And when he ends up cutting his own throat, like the Black Card Man (on trip 3), I definitely thought there was some connection. Thoughts??flag*


EmilioFeb 03, 2013 04:26AM   1 voteI though that also, but wasn’t dissapointed at the final reveal. Keep in mind Kyle mentions they are not policemen but gatekeepers.

Another plot twist I though I saw coming and then idt didn’t was Jake meeting Oswald at the Book Depository and finding out Oswald is another time traveller intended on killing Kennedy to prevent the apocalypse his presidency would bring on the world. Up until Jake begins to spy on him and confirms he´s a bad person, Oswald’s movements might fit with an alternate Jake’s journey: going to URSS to save another Durning, then back to the USA to save another woman, unexpectedly finding love in the way…
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Michael Henderson If you consider King’s politics, you’d know he’d never make Kennedy a villian of any kind.
Apr 12, 2016 12:21PM

22. Nicolas Lazarus, Peter and Gabriel

Posted on December 3, 2011by kylegrant76

150. 02-09-10: $20.09 @ 2:09 pm


‘Digging in the Dirt’ by Peter Gabriel was playing in stereo…’This time you’ve gone too far I told ya I told ya I told ya I told ya!’

See yourself in the Portal.  Listening to the Pulse.  You are digging in the dirt with Charlie.


‘It’s so much easier to just be a hater,’ said Nicolas Lazarus to Charlie from within the Box.  Both guys hunched over and confined in the cold box, trying to put milk and yogurt on the shelves while simultaneously becoming reacquainted with each other.  It’s been over five years since Charlie and Nicolas worked together..back in the Swamp.

‘A guy I listened to on a Native American radio program the other night said just that,’  said Charlie.  Charlie was driving back from his brother Matthew’s on Thanksgiving night, listening to NPR.  The guy on the radio, a man who was working with coordinating food donations to Occupy Boston, was talking about how it is far more difficult to choose love than to choose hate, especially these days.  Charlie was choosing to love and not to hate.  Charlie wanted to heal and be healed.


‘Don’t talk back Just drive the car Shut your mouth I know what you are.’  You ARE the Portal.  ‘Stay with me I need support…Open up the places I got hurt.’


Once upon a time Charlie was helping Nicolas Lazarus in the Box.  It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving 2011.  Charlie was approaching a milestone, the seven year anniversary of the date he was hired as a crew member for Unique American Grocery Stores.


‘Something in me, Dark and sticky..’  See Charlie in the Cave.  See Charlie on the Island, completely incomplete, totally lost.  He tries to strum his guitar while suffering the effects of opiate withdrawal.  John lures him out of the cave.  ‘The fresh air will do you good.’

‘You make excellent bait, Charlie.’


‘The Portal is nearing completion,’ says Peter.  You are no longer in the Box.


PKD’s Exegesis (cont.)

“46. The physician has come to us a number of times under a number of names.  But we are not yet healed.  The Empire identified him and ejected him.  This time he will kill the Empire by phagocytosis.”


Once upon a time you were not on Earth.  You were No Where, which is Now Here.  But for the sake of convenience we’ll just call it the Fourth Dimension.  You were aboard one of the Nine Mother Ships overlooking Earth.

‘Once he makes the Supreme Sacrifice, once he proves to us- but more importantly, to himself- that he is courageous and strong and that he is truly centered and anchored in love and mercy, then the Portal will open,’ says Gabriel.  ‘The Healing shall commence and Heaven and Earth shall merge.’


Not Pennys Boat.


‘Find the places we got hurt.’


‘I don’t know,’ says Joe Smith.  ‘You really want to call the angels Peter and Gabriel?’

‘Man, you’re gonna be skeptical and critical of anything religious.  You’re a hardcore Atheist and don’t you hate Peter Gabriel, too?’ says Kyle.

The Pulse nearly stops again.  ‘Touche,’ says Joe..’But wait a minute, are you Charlie from Lost now too?  What’s going on?  I don’t get it…And man, when the heck is your mother going to finally give birth to you?  And when is Penny going to finally stop smoking that cigarette in her basement?’


151. 02-15-10: $15.15 for 15 items @ 7:54 pm (the link here is with date, total and number of items in purchase- see the four 15’s.  it is also synchronistic that I picked this one out of the box for number 151.  I have been picking the little pieces of receipt paper in the emergen-c boxes out at random, like out of a hat, and you may have noticed that on occassion the numbers in the synchronicity match the number of its place in the list.)

Literature / VALIS

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Horselover Fat is not having a great time. A friend of his checked into therapy only to throw herself off a building. This, combined with his wife’s nervous breakdown and the Soviet three-eyed space aliens beaming messages into his head with a pink laser beam, is enough to drive him to complete insanity.

Thus, the book begins. Throughout, Horselover Fat is confronted by the Soviet Union, Satan (in the form of Ferris F Fremont), Jesus, alien space lasers, and his own possible madness.

Philip K. Dick‘s second-to-last completed novel, VALIS is about his own experiences with something in 1974. Drugs? Schizophrenia? Alien intervention? And what does the name Horselover Fat mean?note It’s difficult to say, but it’s certainly some kind of novel.

An early draft of the novel, Radio Free Albemuth was published in 1985 and later adapted into the 2010 film of the same name.

No relation to the video game.

This book contains examples of:

  1. Author Avatar: Admitted within three pages. Then Philip K Dick shows up as a character.
  2. Bilingual Bonus: Yes and no. It doesn’t take too long for someone with a background in languages to figure out that “Horselover” is “Philip” (from Greek Phillipos=phil-, love(r) and hippos, horse(s)) and that “Fat” is “Dick” (German), but anyone who’s read the book will tell you it’s not nearly that simple.
  3. Brainy Baby: Sophia, who’s also the messiah.
  1. Bullied into Depression: Maybe it’s not all her fault, but let’s face it, Beth is downright abusive to Fat and everyone (but him) can see the fact. She’s angry at him for not getting his suicide attempt right, for crying out loud.
  2. Bungled Suicide: Fat, twice. Both his attempts are cries for help, although the one when he took 49 tablets of digitalis came within hair’s breath of actually killing him.
  3. Catchphrase: Maurice keeps rhetorically claiming “I’m being serious!”. Fat and Phil laugh about that (behind his back).
  4. Chronic Hero Syndrome: A big problem for Fat.Helping people was one of the two basic things Fat had been told to give up; helping people and taking dope. He had stopped taking dope, but all his energy and enthusiasm were now totally channeled into saving people. Better he had kept on with the dope.
  5. Cold Sniper: Maurice, Fat’s therapist, used to blow up terrorists in Syria.
  6. Deus Est Machina: Possibly? When the characters meet the ostensible incarnation of the deity, they wonder afterwards whether she was a machine. Also, VALIS is a satellite in the Radio Free Albemuth version.
  7. Drugs Are Bad: Several characters, Fat included, are quite a bit brain-fried because of them.
  8. Exposition Beam: The laser beam that fired information into Fat’s brain.
  9. Fictional Color: After seeing the laser beam, Fat researched and found that it was a shade of pink that could not exist.
  10. Fridge Brilliance: In-universe. The “symbolism” in the film Valis only makes “sense” after multiple watchings.
  11. Gnosticism: It’s practically a novelization.
  12. The Horseshoe Effect: In the film, when Nicholas tells Phil that Fremont is a secret Communist, the latter objects that he’s a fascist, while Nick says there’s no real difference in practice. Fremont in any case is also pretending to be a right-wing anti-communist, so it’s not surprising he’d be called a fascist. Both also used very similar tactics.
  13. Kill Sat: Well, sorta. VALIS can be dangerous to pets and people due to the radiation it emits.
  1. Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: It’s never outright stated if the events of the novel are real or Horselover’s hallucinations.
  2. Mind Screw
  3. Mind Screw
  4. Mind Screw:
    • For example, Phil drops his friend Fat off at the airport. Fat is going overseas for a year or so to do some soul-searching. He sends Fat postcards of where he’s been, and tells him about a woman he’s been seeing. Eventually, he comes home and Phil along with his friends welcome him back from his journey, of which he has many photos. During this entire time, Phil was staying at home and spent most of his time watching TV all day, and meeting periodically with his friends. Okay, have you got all that? Good. All right. Phil and Fat are split personalities. Have a nice day now.
    • Makes a great deal more sense if you consider that Fat probably isn’t supposed to be another personality, but a hallucination. Another personality would take over Philip’s body periodically, and leave Philip with holes in his memory. It’s pretty clear in the novel that Philip believes in Fat’s existence, but everyone else thinks he’s a hallucination. If Fat were another personality, Philip would be in the dark. It’s possible his friends went to the airport because they were tired of arguing with him. He’s schizophrenic, not dissociative. But… still a Mind Screw.
      • Debatable. The novel is written in the 3rd person, where both Fat and Philip are treated as separate entities, however the novel is written by Horselover Fatnote . Hence Philip’s consciousness is tied into the persona of Fat, he adopts the personality in an attempt to diverge and distance himself from the identity of Philip. This is the only way he can cope with the weight of existence within reality – the Black Iron Prison. That’s why when Sophia finally is introduced, he sees a solution and his cognitive processes coalesce back into the central identity of Philip, but when she dies, he reverts. If Fat was a hallucination there would be no point-of-view to work from and he would act as an external intrusion, but instead the point of view is introspective where Philip is extruded from the central subjective view of reality. Schizophrenic yes, but you can’t really argue for him being not dissociative when the entire point of Fat’s existence is as a refuge so Philip can dissociate himself from reality. It doesn’t need to manifest as classical disocciative identity disorder with a psychotic fugue or black-outs – you could easily stamp him with the label “atypical” and the DSM-IV wouldn’t argue with you.note  However, considering the amount of YMMV, Mind Screw and symbolic interpretations (paranoia to follow), there are undoubtedly other ways to view this scenario.
  5. Number of the Beast: Ferris F. Fremont’s initials are FFF, and F is the sixth letter of the alphabet.
  6. Public Secret Message: A subliminal message is sent to the public in the form of song lyrics so that the government won’t intercept it but those who know the truth will be able to spread the message.
  7. Sanity Slippage: One possible interpretation of the plot.
  8. The Shrink: Leon Stone is The Awesome Shrink, who (at least, for a while) restores Fat’s faith in himself by treating him as a person, not a thing to be fixed. Of course, all his hard work gets ruined by the subsequent events, but doctor Stone did help as much as he could.
  9. Shown Their Work: PKD did just as much mad research as there is in the novel, and more. After the events of 1974, he started keeping journals of his research into mysticism and philosophy, which laid the groundwork for this novel. They totaled 8,000 pages by the time of his death. A handful of them were later published as The Exegesis of Philip K Dick.
  10. Show Within a Show: A major plot point. Fat and his friends see a movie (named Valis) and realize that the events of the film closely parallel Fat’s own visions. They realize that whoever or whatever contacted Fat must have also made contact with the filmmakers. (For extra postmodernism points, the events of the film Valis are taken directly from PKD’s wildly different, early draft of this very novel. Said draft was later published as Radio Free Albemuth.)
  11. Split Personality: Phil and Fat, probably. Add Thomas to the bunch, even if he doesn’t get a proper speaking role, and all the reincarnatad-in-Phil-people-from-the-past…
  12. Taking You with Me: This is a strange variation on this trope, but Gloria, and later Sherri, enact a psychological version of this as they spirals towards their deaths, pulling everyone around along (particularly Fat—according to him, anyway).
  13. Third Eye: Your interpretation may vary but, generally, the third eye is either something all humans possess which, if opened, would allow them to free themselves of the Iron Fortress and the vestiges of time; or it can be used to brainwash and condemn humans to an earthbound existence of depression. There is the co-joined idea that those with a third eye are aliens, and have possibly reached out through a satellite to interact with the human mind. Possibly Fat’s. The “possible”s are probably necessary.
  14. Through the Eyes of Madness: It’s really difficult to tell whether Fat is insane or his reality is literally manifesting itself in strange and unusual ways due to the result of either a caretaker deity, a Neglectful Precursor to the human race, aliens, or an Eldritch Abomination… and probably about another twenty different possible causative factors if his reality is being warped. However, if he is insane (even if his insanity is due to something supra-natural), then this trope may be in effect. It becomes very difficult by the end to find distinct boundaries between Fat’s neurosis/(possible)psychosis and reality, and even then the question raised is “is there any definition?” However, since he has a split personality that manifests itself and which he talks to repeatedly on a daily basis, the answer may simply be “Yes. He’s a paranoid schizophrenic. Next patient please?”
  15. Unreliable Narrator: Fat is not dishonest, but his perception of reality might be impaired. Fittingly, he is aware of this and forthright about the possibility that he is insane.
  16. Wild Mass Guessing: the hypotheses that Fat, his alternate personality, and their group of friends start churning out to try to explain the possible grinding humdrum of psychosis, insanity, the tedious events of everyday life, and the coming of a new messiah to earth to release man from the sins of a destructive creator god who imprisoned all human form within a fortress that may or may not exist overlaid in multiple dimensions on top of our own reality. Generally. Depending on what part of his exegesis Fat is detailing, you may get an addition of ancient Greek languages, the dichotomy of early Christian symbols, the possibility of 3-eyed aliens from outside of “time” (or the future) whom humans either originally came from, have the potential to become, or are who the aliens wish to help (by coming to free humanity from the Iron Fortress), and philosophical debates on the nature of life and death. You may need a neck brace to deal with the Ideological Whiplash.

Alternative Title(s): Radio Free Albemuth




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VALIS by PKD (Page 209) “Sophia is two,” Linda said. “She was born in 1976. We tape what she says.” “Everything is taped,” Mini said. “Sophia is surrounded by audio and video recording equipment that automatically monitors her constantly. Not for her protection, of course; VALIS protects her – VALIS, her father.”


The Smashing Pumpkins

Burn down the sun
I’m not everyone
High and dry
Nothing but a body in my mind

I’m here to stay
They’re here today
High and dry
Nothing but a body in my mind
I’m nothing but a body in my mind

I feel that something ain’t right
No fear but reasons that I can’t cite

Tear down the sun
Bring down the sun
I’m not everyone
I’m not everyone
I’m not everyone

Unholy sin
Unholy fate
High and dry
Nothing but a body in mind
I’m left to ash
They’re here but past
High and dry
Nothing but a body in mind
I am nothing but a body in my mind

I feel that something ain’t right
No fear but reasons that I can’t cite
Tear down the sun
Bring down the sun
I’m not everyone
I’m not everyone
I’m not everyone
Burn down the sun

Come on, get yourself together
Become the owl at midnight
I am the seer, I am the seeker
Become the one that fights you
Become the one that fights you
Become the owl at midnight
Become the owl at midnight

High and dry
Like ash made time
With sun, too bright
I am nothing but a body in my mind
I am nothing but a body in my mind

Tear down the sun
Bring down the sun
I’m not everyone
I’m not everyone
Burn down the sun

For non-commercial use only.Data from: LyricFind

See the source image

Bob Dylan – Murder Most Foul Lyrics

Twas a dark day in Dallas, November ’63
A day that will live on in infamy
President Kennedy was a-ridin’ high

Good day to be livin’ and a good day to die
Being led to the slaughter like a sacrificial lamb
He said, “Wait a minute, boys, you know who I am?”
“Of course we do. We know who you are”
Then they blew off his head while he was still in the car

Shot down like a dog in broad daylight
Was a matter of timing and the timing was right
You got unpaid debts we’ve come to collect
We’re gonna kill you with hatred, without any respect
We’ll mock you and shock you and we’ll put it in your face
We’ve already got someone here to take your place
The day they blew out the brains of the king
Thousands were watching, no one saw a thing


It happened so quickly, so quick, by surprise
Right there in front of everyone’s eyes
Greatest magic trick ever under the sun
Perfectly executed, skillfully done
Wolfman, oh wolfman, oh wolfman howl
Rub-a-dub-dub, it’s a murder most foul

Hush, little children, you’ll understand
The Beatles are comin’, they’re gonna hold your hand
Slide down the banister, go get your coat
Ferry ‘cross the Mersey and go for the throat
There’s three bums comin’ all dressed in rags
Pick up the pieces and lower the flags
I’m going to Woodstock, it’s the Aquarian Age
Then I’ll go to Altamont and sit near the stage

Put your head out the window, let the good times roll
There’s a party going on behind the Grassy Knoll
Stack up the bricks, pour the cement
Don’t say Dallas don’t love you, Mr. President
Put your foot in the tank and step on the gas
Try to make it to the triple underpass
Blackface singer, whiteface clown
Better not show your faces after the sun goes down

Up in the red light district, like a cop on the beat
Living in a nightmare on Elm Street
When you’re down in Deep Ellum, put your money in your shoe
Don’t ask what your country can do for you
Cash on the ballot, money to burn
Dealey Plaza, make a left-hand turn
I’m going down to the crossroads, gonna flag a ride
The place where faith, hope, and charity died

Shoot him while he runs, boy, shoot him while you can
See if you can shoot the invisible man
Goodbye, Charlie, goodbye, Uncle Sam
Frankly, Miss Scarlett, I don’t give a damn
What is the truth, and where did it go?
Ask Oswald and Ruby, they oughta know
“Shut your mouth,” said the wise old owl
Business is business, and it’s a murder most foul

Tommy, can you hear me? I’m the Acid Queen
I’m riding in a long, black Lincoln limousine
Riding in the backseat next to my wife
Heading straight on in to the afterlife
I’m leaning to the left, I’ve got my head in her lap
Hold on, I’ve been led into some kind of a trap
Where we ask no quarter, and no quarter do we give
We’re right down the street from the street where you live

They mutilated his body, and they took out his brain
What more could they do? They piled on the pain
But his soul was not there where it was supposed to be at
For the last fifty years they’ve been searchin’ for that
Freedom, oh freedom, freedom over me
I hate to tell you, mister, but only dead men are free
Send me some lovin’, tell me no lie
Throw the gun in the gutter and walk on by

Wake up, little Susie, let’s go for a drive
Cross the Trinity River, let’s keep hope alive
Turn the radio on, don’t touch the dials
Parkland hospital, only six more miles
You got me dizzy, Miss Lizzy, you filled me with lead
That magic bullet of yours has gone to my head
I’m just a patsy like Patsy Cline
Never shot anyone from in front or behind

I’ve blood in my eye, got blood in my ear
I’m never gonna make it to the new frontier
Zapruder’s film I seen night before
Seen it 33 times, maybe more
It’s vile and deceitful, it’s cruel and it’s mean
Ugliest thing that you ever have seen
They killed him once and they killed him twice
Killed him like a human sacrifice

The day that they killed him, someone said to me, “Son
The age of the Antichrist has just only begun”
Air Force One coming in through the gate
Johnson sworn in at 2:38
Let me know when you decide to throw in the towel
It is what it is, and it’s murder most foul

What’s new, pussycat? What’d I say?
I said the soul of a nation been torn away
And it’s beginning to go into a slow decay
And that it’s 36 hours past Judgment Day
Wolfman Jack, he’s speaking in tongues
He’s going on and on at the top of his lungs
Play me a song, Mr. Wolfman Jack
Play it for me in my long Cadillac

Play me that “Only the Good Die Young”
Take me to the place Tom Dooley was hung
Play St. James Infirmary and the Court of King James
If you want to remember, you better write down the names
Play Etta James, too, play “I’d Rather Go Blind”
Play it for the man with the telepathic mind
Play John Lee Hooker, play “Scratch My Back”
Play it for that strip club owner named Jack
Guitar Slim going down slow
Play it for me and for Marilyn Monroe

Play, “Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood”
Play it for the First Lady, she ain’t feeling any good
Play Don Henley, play Glenn Frey
Take it to the limit and let it go by
Play it for Karl Wirsum, too
Looking far, far away at Down Gallow Avenue
Play tragedy, play “Twilight Time”
Take me back to Tulsa to the scene of the crime

Play another one and “Another One Bites the Dust”
Play “The Old Rugged Cross” and “In God We Trust”
Ride the pink horse down that long, lonesome road
Stand there and wait for his head to explode
Play “Mystery Train” for Mr. Mystery
The man who fell down dead like a rootless tree
Play it for the Reverend, play it for the Pastor
Play it for the dog that got no master

Play Oscar Peterson, play Stan Getz
Play “Blue Sky”, play Dickey Betts
Play Art Pepper, Thelonious Monk
Charlie Parker and all that junk
All that junk and “All That Jazz”
Play something for the Birdman of Alcatraz
Play Buster Keaton, play Harold Lloyd
Play Bugsy Siegel, play Pretty Boy Floyd

Play the numbers, play the odds
Play “Cry Me A River” for the Lord of the gods
Play Number 9, play Number 6
Play it for Lindsey and Stevie Nicks
Play Nat King Cole, play “Nature Boy”
Play “Down In The Boondocks” for Terry Malloy
Play “It Happened One Night” and “One Night of Sin”

There’s twelve million souls that are listening in
Play “Merchant of Venice”, play “Merchants of Death”
Play “Stella by Starlight” for Lady Macbeth
Don’t worry, Mr. President, help’s on the way
Your brothers are coming, there’ll be hell to pay
Brothers? What brothers? What’s this about hell?
Tell them, “We’re waiting. Keep coming,” we’ll get them as well

Love Field is where his plane touched down
But it never did get back up off the ground
Was a hard act to follow, second to none
They killed him on the altar of the rising sun
Play “Misty” for me and “That Old Devil Moon”
Play “Anything Goes” and “Memphis in June”
Play “Lonely At the Top” and “Lonely Are the Brave”
Play it for Houdini spinning around in his grave

Play Jelly Roll Morton, play “Lucille”
Play “Deep In a Dream”, and play “Driving Wheel”
Play “Moonlight Sonata” in F-sharp
And “A Key to the Highway” for the king on the harp
Play “Marching Through Georgia” and “Dumbarton’s Drums”
Play darkness, and death will come when it comes
Play “Love Me Or Leave Me” by the great Bud Powell
Play “The Blood-stained Banner”, play “Murder Most Foul”

Somehow, the summer seemed to slip by faster this time. Maybe it wasn’t this summer, but all the summers that, in this my fortieth summer, slipped by so fast. There comes a time when every summer will have something of autumn about it.

From A Great and Glorious Game: Baseball Writings of A. Bartlett Giamatti
by A. Bartlett Giamatti, et al

“The Green Fields of the Mind “

About kylegrant76

Eye am that Eye am
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