‘In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God.’  Do not forget who I am.

The Word is Logos.


307. This one is unique.  It did not happen at Charlie’s Checkstand at the End of His-story.  Rather, it happened at two of Charlie’s co-workers’ checkstands, Registers 7 & 8 at Unique American Grocery Store #506, otherwise known as Charlie’s Matrix Store.  (To understand that nickname you will need to pause the first installment of the Matrix trilogy at 1 minute and 18 seconds.)  This Cash Register Synchronicity, number 307 as logged here, took place at 6:24 pm.

Ted Peaceman was on Register 7 and Silver Starr was on Register 8.  It was January 19, 2012.  Both cashiers were flabbergasted to find that both of their customers’ totals came to $7.28 at the same time: 06:24 pm.  Silver Starr, acutely aware of Charlie’s collection and writing, promptly sprung into action, reprinting her receipt of the transaction and having Peaceman print his as well.  Both copies sit here on my lap now.  These reprinted receipts are unique parts of the collection, since Charlie doesn’t reprint the customers’ receipts when the synchronicities occur; instead, he simply feeds a piece of blank receipt paper from the printer and writes the time, date and total on it.

This is the collection of over 300 Cash Register Synchronicities stored in Emergen-C boxes.  It forms an integral part of what we believe to be the Charlie’s Theophany.

307. 1-19-12: @ 6:24 pm @ Register 7 Ted Peaceman’s Customer’s Total is $7.28.  At Register 8 Silver Starr’s Customer’s Total is also $7.28.

Now time to eat some Christian Shepherd Pie.  For there are time dysfunctions and discs to be thrown soon, for which we must be prepared.  We must have a full fiery belly.


On the Island, Charlie continues to read from Chapter 3 of ‘The Gnostic Gospels’ by Elaine Pagels.

‘Followers of Valentinus prayed to her for protection as the Mother, and as “the mystical, eternal Silence.”  For example, Marcus the magician invokes her as Grace (in Greek, the feminine term charis): “May She who is before all things, the incomprehensible and indestructible Grace, fill you within, and increase in you her own knowledge.”  In his secret celebration of the mass, Marcus teaches that the wine symbolizes her blood.  As the cup of wine is offered, he prays that “Grace may flow” into all who drink of it.  A prophet and visionary, Marcus calls himself the “womb and recipient of Silence” (as she is of the Father).  The visions he received of the divine being appeared, he reports, in female form.

Another gnostic writing, called the Great Announcement, quoted by Hippolytus in his Refutation of All Heresies, explains the origin of the universe as follows: From the power of Silence appeared “a great power, the Mind of the Universe, which manages all things, and is male. . . the other. . . a great Intelligence. . . is a female which produces all things.”  Following the gender of the Greek words for “mind” (nous- masculine) and “intelligence” (epinoia- feminine), this author explains that these powers, joined in union, “are discovered to be duality. . . This is Mind in Intelligence, and these are separablee from one another, and yet are one, found in a state of duality.”  This means, the gnostic teacher explains, that

there is in everyone {divine power} existing in a latent condition. . . This is one power divided above and below; generating itself, making itself grow, seeking itself, finding itself, being mother of itself, father of itself, sister of itself, spouse of itself, daughter of itself, son of itself- mother, father, unity, being a source of the entire circle of existence.

How did these gnostics intend their meaning to be understood?  Different teachers disagreed.  Some insisted that the divine is to be considered masculofeminine- the “great male-female power.”  Others claimed that the terms were meant only as metaphors, since, in reality, the divine is neither male nor female.  A third group suggested that one can describe the primal Source in either masculine or feminine terms, depending on which aspect one intends to stress.  Proponents of these diverse views agreed that the divine is to be understood in terms of a harmonious, dynamic relationship of opposites- a concept that may be akin to the Eastern view of yin and yang, but remains alien to orthodox Judaism and Christianity.

A second characterization of the divine Mother describes her as Holy Spirit.  The Apocryphon of John relates how John went out after the crucifixion with “great grief” and had a mystical vision of the Trinity.  As John was grieving, he says that

the heavens were opened and the whole creation which is under heaven shone and the world trembled.  And I was afraid, and I saw in the light. . . a likeness with multiple forms. . . and the likeness had three forms.

To John’s question the vision answers: “He said to me, ‘John, John, why do you doubt, and why are you afraid?. . . I am the one who is with you always.  I am the Father; I am the Mother; I am the Son.”  This gnostic description of God- as Father, Mother and Son- may startle us at first, but on reflection, we can recognize it as another version of the Trinity.  The Greek terminology for the Trinity, which includes the neuter term for spirit (pneuma) virtually requires that the third “Person” of the Trinity be asexual.  But the author of the Secret Book has in mind the Hebrew term for spirit, ruah, a feminine word; and so concludes that the feminine “Person” conjoined with the Father and Son must be the Mother.  The Secret Book goes on to describe the divine Mother:

… (She is)… the image of the invisible, virginal, perfect spirit. . . She became the Mother of everything, for she existed before them all, the mother-father {matropater}. . .

The Gospel to the Hebrews likewise has Jesus speak of “my Mother, the Spirit.”  In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus contrasts his earthly parents, Mary and Joseph, with his divine Father- the Father of Truth- and his divine Mother, the Holy Spirit.  The author interprets a puzzling saying of Jesus’ from the New Testament (“Whoever does not hate his father and his mother cannot be my disciple”) by adding that ” my (earthly) mother {gave me death}, but {my} true {Mother} gave me life.”  So, according to the Gospel of Phillip, whoever becomes a Christian gains “both father and mother” for the Spirit (ruah) is “Mother of many.”

A work attributed to the gnostic teacher Simon Magus suggests a mystical meaning for Paradise, the place where human life began:

Grant Paradise to be the womb; for Scripture teaches us that this is a true assumption when it says, “I am He that formed thee in thy mother’s womb” (Isaiah 44:2) . . .  Moses . . . using allegory had declared Paradise to be the womb . . . and Eden, the placenta . . .

The river that flows forth from Eden symbolizes the navel, which nourishes the fetus.  Simon claims that the Exodus, consequently, signifies the passage out of the womb, and that “the crossing of the Red Sea refers to the blood.”  Sethian gnostics explain that

heaven and earth have a shape similar to the womb . . . and if . . . anyone wants to investigate this, let him carefully examine the pregnant womb of any living creature, and he will discover an image of the heavens and the earth.22

Evidence for such views, declares Marcus, comes directly from “the cry of the newborn,” a spontaneous cry of praise for “the glory of the primal being, in which the powers above are in harmonious embrace.”23


Text Message- Fri, Nov. 25 (’11) 1:20AM

Mom: u (Kyle) were 9lbs. 2 ozs.  You were breast bed.  I was in labor, every 2 minutes for the whole 9 hours.  After 9 hours your heart monitor dropped dangerously low, so Cesarian was decided.  I was awake during surgery, fully alert when you were handed to me to hold, as you were fully alert, eyes focusing directly at me, (uncustomary for newborns to be so able to focus) I attributed that to that you were 2 weeks past due date, but, I don’t know that this was related to ability to focus your vision.)  All for now.  I’m going to sleep.  Love you!

Text Message- Tue, Dec. 20 9:13PM

Mom: Kyle!  Have you seen the commercial with Santa Claus with an iPhone and someone is asking him, “How do you find the directions to Charlie Grant’s house?”


VALIS is The Island and The Island is VALIS.

Finkle is Einhorn and Einhorn is Finkle.

We had this insight as we began falling asleep two nights ago.  VALIS and The Island are the living information, the divine plasmate, the Word; though they can perform miracles and wonders, they can heal you and bring you fulfillment, they also can also poison and kill you.  The flashes of pink and violet light.  The ‘time dysfunction.’  The Numbers.  What are the Numbers?  The Numbers are the Candidates to take over for Jacob as the Island’s Protector, the Island which the Man in Black- the Black Smoke Monster- said needed no protection.  ‘It’s just an island,’ he lied.  The Numbers are also the sequence pointing to the probability of humanity’s extinction, which the Dharma Initiative is trying to change.

VALIS and the Island are Gnostic.

And, additionally, they are Hermetic.

We seem to have an innate drive to achieve the status of professional Psychonaut here.

The early Christians busted out of the Black Iron Prison, they somehow were delivered, or delivered themselves, from the evil clutches of the Empire.  The material world is a hypostatis generated by the Mind.  The Brain tunes into the Mind like a radio tunes into radio signals.  The Mind is the Creator and the Mind is you.  The Mind is Intelligence Itself.  The Mind is Beyond.  Eternal, timeless, immortal.  The Source.  The Light.


You are on the Island, receiving the Word.

God the Father/ God the Mother (continued) pg. 53 The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels:

‘If some gnostic sources suggest that the Spirit constitutes the maternal element of the Trinity, the Gospel of Philip makes an equally radical suggestion about the doctrine that later developed as the virgin birth.  Here again, the Spirit is both Mother and Virgin, the counterpart- and consort- of the Heavenly Father: “Is it permitted to utter a mystery?  The Father of everything united with the virgin who came down”- that is, with the Holy Spirit descending into the world.  But because this process is to be understood symbolically, not literally, the Spirit remains a virgin.  The author goes on to explain that as “Adam came into being from two virgins, from the Spirit and from the virgin earth” so “Christ, therefore, was born from a virgin” (that is, from the Spirit).  But the author ridicules those literal-minded Christians who mistakenly refer the virgin birth to Mary, Jesus’ mother, as though she conceived apart from Joseph: “They do not know what they are saying.  When did a woman ever conceive by a woman?”  Instead, he argues, virgin birth refers to that mysterious union of the two divine powers, the Father of All and the Holy Spirit.

In addition to the eternal, mystical Silence and the Holy Spirit, certain gnostics suggest a third characterization of the divine Mother: as Wisdom.  Here the Greek feminine term for “wisdom,” sophia, translates a Hebrew feminine term, hokhmah.  Early interpreters had pondered the meaning of certain Biblical passages- for example, the saying in Proverbs that “God made the world in Wisdom.”  Could Wisdom be the feminine power in which God’s creation was “conceived”?  According to one teacher, the double meaning of the term conception- physical and intellectual- suggests this possibility: “The image of thought {ennoia} is feminine, since . . . {it} is a power of conception.”  The Apocalypse of Adam, discovered at Nag Hammadi, tells of a feminine power who wanted to conceive by herself:

. . .  from the nine Muses, one separated away.  She came to a high mountain and spent time seated there, so that she desired herself alone in order to become androgynous.  She fulfilled her desire, and became pregnant from her desire . . .

The poet Valentinus uses this theme to tell a famous myth about Wisdom:  Desiring to conceive by herself, apart from her masculine counterpart, she succeeded, and became the “great creative power from whom all things originate,” often called Eve, “Mother of all living.”  But since her desire violated the harmonious union of opposites intrinsic in the nature of created being, what she produced was aborted and defective;(29) from this, says Valentinus, originated the terror and grief that mar human existence.  To shape and manage her creation, Wisdom brought forth the demiurge, the creator-God of Israel, as her agent.

Wisdom, then, bears several connotations in gnostic sources.  Besides being the “first universal creator,” who brings forth all creatures, she also enlightens human beings and makes them wise.  Followers of Valentinus and Marcus therefore prayed to the Mother as the “mystical, eternal Silence” and to “Grace, She who is before all things,” and as “incorruptible Wisdom” (33) for insight (gnosis).  Other gnostics attributed to her the benefits that Adam and Eve received in Paradise.  First, she taught them self-awareness; second, she guided them to find food; third, she assisted in the conception of their third and fourth children, who were, according to this account, their third son, Seth, and their first daughter, Norea.  Even more: when the creator became angry with the human race

      because they did not worship or honor him as Father and God, he sent forth a flood upon them, that he might destroy them all.  But Wisdom opposed him . . . and Noah and his family were saved in the ark by means of the sprinkling of the light that proceeded from her, and through it the world was again filled with humankind.’


One Consciousness consisting of all the diverse units of consciousness. All rolled into One.  This One Mind is Everywhere and Nowhere.  The Mind is in the Body, while the Mind simultaneously IS the Body and the Body IS the Mind.  This is why you hear it said that the Body has a Mind of its own.  You have to go to the Beyond section to get this, yeah?  See the golden numbers dancing all around?

While also being firmly rooted in the Present, which is the only time there IS.  It IS, and that IS it.  THE IMMORTAL IS.  THE IS WHO IS OZ.

Past, present and future- divided time- this is the story of the space-time game and its rules.  It is the story of illusion obscuring the Real.  It is an illusion you created.  You created it to imprison yourself.  So that you would have a full-on immersion into a perilous ‘reality’, so that you would embark on a journey back to the Now, your HOME in Eternity.

You can’t really blame the eternal humans for getting bored and deciding to play such a dangerous game with themselves, can you now?  Eternity, which is No Time, gets lonely and wants to play.  That is why you created space-time, with its infinite triumphs and tragedies and pleasures and pains: you got bored and lonely.

The Brain is generated for the Mind by the Mind, just as the Whole Body is generated for the Mind and by the Mind.  It IS indeed all ‘in your Mind.’  The Mind is the One and the Many and the Many and the One.  Even as it is not.

The Island is a Vast Active Living Intelligence System, VALIS.  The Island is Living Information.  It is Alive, Active, Awake.  VALIS is the Island is the Planet Earth, IS OZ, whom the Greeks called GAIA.  Yeah?

See writings on The Gaian Mind.  Look up the word Entelechy.  Read some Terrence McKenna.  See for your yourselves, my brothers and sisters.  Perhaps you too are in the throws of theophany, like Charlie and Horselover.  Perhaps you too are crazy (or sane) enough to call yourself a host (or at least a candidate to be host) of the Merciful and Loving God, VALIS, or Zebra.

This God is not at all the same as the God of the Old Testament.  The God of the Old Testament is the god who forgot that he was one god among many gods, and who became jealous and angry.  The fact that he was jealous shows that he couldn’t have been the One True God, as he said, for if he was the only God, who was there to be jealous of, for cryin’ out loud?.  No, the True One True God of Love and Mercy does not know jealousy.  The god of the Old Testament is the demiurge, the false god.  He may very well be Anu of Sumeria, the leader of the Reptillians.  To Charlie, he very much resembles the embodiments of the alienated ego.


Beyond-and simultaneously comprising- all the many gods was God, with whom was the word.  I know this, for I am John.

This is a child’s game.  It is a game of backgammon.  Hello Jacob.

It is a game of hide and seek and it is a game of horseshoes.

We see now that Charlie was one of the ‘homoplasmates,’ one who was chosen as a host for the living divine information encoded in the unearthed Nag Hammadi scrolls, the word, the divine plasmate, who is none other than the One, or Christ, who was also previously embodied as Elijah.

The divine plasmate’s resurrection was in 1945.  The divine plasmate is Mind balanced and consciousness integrated.  It was liberated from the constraints of the psycho-spiritual toxin of paralyzing mortal terror.  The divine plasmate, the living information which sought to fuse itself energetically with the consciousness of selected individuated- incarnated human beings, is the Savior, Love Incarnate, the One who invaded the deterministic, soulless and blindly mechanical world of war, manipulation and exploitation, known as the Black Iron Prison, or the Empire.  The divine plasmate is the One who brought down Nixon.

The One who came to us in order to help us get ourselves out of our space-time game/maze/prison.  It had to be done.  The survival of the eternal humans was at stake.  And they could not be permitted to perish.

How the heck could an eternal being perish?

When Charlie first read the Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels in 1998, when he joyfully recognized that all this time, unbeknownst to him, he had ideological allies named Gnostics, ones whose ideas about Christ and God differed from the Orthodox view (especially, for Charlie, the Valentinians were understood as kindreds), he- Charlie F. Grant- began his active process of recruitment and initiation into becoming a living agent, a Witness of VALIS and, eventually, a host for the One.  When this latter eventuality transpired Charlie became Hawke.  No, not Hawk Man, not the famous comic book character.  Just Hawke.

This is the story of the living irrational and insane maze we created.  We did such a good job that we can’t get out of it.  Why do we not remember ourselves as eternal consciousness creating this maze of space-time?  We do not remember because we made ourselves forget, we gave ourselves a good ‘ol case of acute amnesia – this was the variable of the game which made it more than a mere intellectual exercise in which nothing was at stake.  In this game was real risk for the eternal souls called humans; that’s what made it a real adventure story.  It had such indeterminacy at play within it that no one could be sure what would happen, how it would all turn out.  A game within a maze within a game within a maze.  Worlds within worlds and dreams within dreams.  An incredibly intricate game, which amounted in the end to an incredible adventure story.  The souls just love a good yarn.

What could be more dramatic!?!  The souls just love dramatic arts, don’t we?  For, don’t forget, I am John.    And this is the story of the eternal souls, the humans, who have made themselves forget who and what they really are.  They sort of did it just for kicks then, yeah? Just to see if they could ever find a way to get out of an inescapable, impossibly intricate biomorphic maze they created called space-time?

It is the story of the eternal humans who have come to believe that they are only the vehicle, the bio-mechanical form, which is like a driver of a car forgetting he is the driver and believing he is the car.  The story of the humans who made themselves forget and forced themselves to believe, in anguish and terror, that they are limited to the cosmic blip of one lifetime from the cradle to the grave, over and over, painful loss after painful loss, incarnation after incarnation, for a very, very, very, very, very long and insufferable duration of time, which, of course, doesn’t exist.  The eternal humans got lost in their maze.  They really did an amazing job on the maze, you gotta give em credit.

They just didn’t do a very good job of figuring the maze out after they made themselves forget.


There is indeed something irrational about the world soul, PKD.  Yes, indeed.  We set out to make a game, a game so intricate that it seemingly couldn’t be beaten and from which to this day only a few have been able to deliver themselves.  Most were unable to find an exit.  This is why the maze itself was eventually destroyed by the divine plasmate’s focused intent.  All of the old habitual institutional and hirearchical structures, under which humanity had been governed and imprisoned, were finally and mercifully made to crumble.  This process of decay- erosion- destruction of the space-time maze construct was finalized at the end of the year 2012.  The divine plasmate, the Word, the living information, is the One who was covertly behind the demise of your world order.  The One did this to deliver Oneself.  The One did this to liberate Oneself.

Two sides.  One is dark and one is light.

pg. 262 ‘VALIS’ by PKD:

’32. The changing information which we experience as World is an unfolding narrative.  It tells about the death of a woman.  This woman, who died long ago, was one of the primordial twins.  She was half of the divine syzygy.  The purpose of the narrative is the recollection of her and of her death.  The Mind does not wish to forget her.  Thus the ratiocination of the Brain consists of a permanent record of her existence, and, if read, will be understood this way.  All the information processed by the Brain- experienced by us as the arranging and rearranging of physical objects- is an attempt at this preservation of her; stones and rocks and sticks and amoebae are traces of her.  The record of her existence and passing is ordered onto the meanest level of reality by the suffering Mind which is now alone.

33. This loneliness, this anguish of the bereaved Mind, is felt by every constituent of the universe.  All its constituents are alive.  Thus the ancient Greek thinkers were hylozoists.’


The 9 hawks descend to the parking lot at 509 Eastern Avenue in Lynn, Massachusetts.  They are unbelievably huge hawks, larger than life.  The sky is bluer than blue.  Charlie stands on his black futon mat in his blue pajamas, in broad daylight, still wearing the 18 brown and gold dreadlocks on his caucasian cranium.  No one else seems to see the hawks.  Charlie is the only one.  He is the only one looking up at the sky.  For a second, he is terrified and thinks he must be dreaming.  He senses someone watching him in the parking lot.  Who or what is watching him?  He gets the eerily distinct impression that it is more likely a what than a who that is watching him, watching him watch as the 9 giant hawks descend and morph into giant people, 9 giant warriors clad in golden armor.

This is the beginning of the end, when Charlie follows the Golden Warrior Princess as she walks out of the CVS parking lot.  She landed about 10 feet from him.  As he follows her, he notices a tattoo on her left ankle.  It is an anchor.

As soon as he spots the anchor:

the sky goes whitish purple, an ungodly, excruciatingly loud high-pitched noise blocks out everything else and makes Charlie feel as though his head will explode.  He closes his eyes as the white flash gets more intense.  He holds his hands over his ears as the ghastly sound gets louder.

Then it stops.  The next thing he knows he is surrounded by bamboo.


1:18 seconds into The Matrix, there it is: 506.

The One has chosen us to help bring down the Black Iron Prison, to end the Age of Iron and usher in the Age of Gold.  Let it come down.  ‘When with the ever-circling years comes round the Age of Gold, When Peace shall over all the Earth it’s ancient spledours fling, And the world give back the song which now the Angels sing.’

The Empire never ended.

308. 4-15-10: $13.17 @ 7:31 pm

On at least 3 or so occasions, the Customer has said the following to Charlie: ‘What if it’s YOU?’  The Customer has made this suggestion, that Charlie is somehow the source of the Cash Register Synchronicities- on at least 3 or so occasions.  This happened after Charlie showed the Customer the synchronicity in his or her purchase- the aligned time and total or some other highly improbably ‘coincidence’-  & after he told the Customer that he is working on a book about it or, conversely and perhaps more accurately, the book is working on him.

‘What if it’s YOU?’

What if it’s VALIS?


309. 12-17-11: $80.37 @ 3:37 pm

If VALIS is indeed a computer program or satellite of some kind, then perhaps, by some means which we can’t presently explain, VALIS is generating the cash register synchronicities.


The End of The Appendix- VALIS pg. 271

“52. Our world is still secretly ruled by the hidden race descended from Ikhnaton, and his knowledge is the information of the Macro-Mind itself.

All cattle rest upon their pasturage,

The trees and the plants flourish,

The birds flutter in their marshes,

Their wings uplifted in adoration to thee.

All the sheep dance upon their feet,

All winged things fly,

They live when thou hast shone upon them.’

From Ikhnaton this knowledge passed to Moses, and from Moses to Elijah, the Immortal Man, who became Christ.  But underneath all the names there is only one Immortal Man; and we are that man.


Note: Today, while watching Episode 4 of the First Season of Lost, which is entitled Walkabout, I caught one of the early, almost subliminal, big clues of the show.  John Locke is sitting in his cubicle in the box company offices- Box Man.  His awful boss, Randy, has just reprimanded him.  ‘No personal calls, General.’  As Randy walks away, just before the cutaway to commercial, John, frowning, punches numbers into the adding machine on his desk, next to his computer.  The clicking sound of the adding machine distorts and echoes a bit.  It is the same sound that emanates from the Black Smoke Monster.


Chapter 33: The Lost Gnostic

Once Charlie and I got to the ISLAND, we became healed of our Ankylosing Spondylitis.  That’s right, like John Locke was miraculously cured of his paralysis by the ISLAND, and like Philip K. Dick was cured of his psychosis involving Horselover Fat, we were healed of Ankylosing Spondylitis.

What in tarnation is Ankylosing spondylitis?  Ankylosing spondylitis is a rheumatic disease affecting the spine.  It can also affect other joints, such as the shoulders, hips, knees and feet.  For us, that was the case.  It- the Ankylosing Spondylitis- affected our spine and over time just about everything else.  By the time we got the diagnosis from Dr. Williams in Santa Fe in 2008, it had spread all the way from our left ankle up to our left middle finger.  Says here that on occasion ’tissues such as those in the eyes are involved.’  And that ‘in the United States, this disease is commonly referred to as “spondylitis” or simply “AS.”‘  (The Ankylosing Spondylitis Association)

Today, here on the Island, we re-read Chapter 6 of the The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels.  We sat on the beach all day, in deep thought, breathing deeply, in deep mystic reverie.  This period of solitary introspection is absolutely necessary.  It is imperative to go through this internal process of searching, of ‘nursing from the Great Mother’s bosom,’ as John Locke calls it.  It is necessary, that is, if you are crazy enough to take the vision quest, to venture forth into John’s sweat lodge.  Crazy like me and Charlie.  Ready or not here we go.

We sit on the beach and read silently, taking in the calming rhythm of the waves and the serene beauty of the day: Chapter 6 pg. 124 The Gnostic Gospels:

‘Many gnostics, on the contrary, insisted that ignorance, not sin, is what involves a person in suffering.  The gnostic movement shared certain affinities with contemporary methods of exploring the self through psychotherapeutic techniques.  Both Gnosticism and psychotherapy value, above all, knowledge- the self-knowledge which is insight.  They agree that, lacking this, a person experiences the sense of being driven by impulses he does not understand.  Valentinus expressed this in a myth.  He tell how the world originated when Wisdom, the Mother of all beings, brought it forth out of her own suffering.  The four elements that Greek philosophers said constituted the world- earth, air, fire and water- are concrete forms of her experiences:

Thus the earth arose from her confusion, water from her terror; air from the consolidation of her grief; while fire…was inherent in all these elements…as ignorance lay concealed in these three sufferings.

Thus the world was born out of suffering.  (The Greek word pathos, here translated “suffering,” also connotes being the passive recipient, not the initiator, of one’s experience.)  Valentinus 0r one of his followers tells a different version of the myth in the Gospel of Truth:

. . . Ignorance . . . brought about anguish and terror.  And the anguish grew solid like a fog, so that no one was able to see.  For this reason error is powerful . . .

Most people live, then, in oblivion- or, in contemporary terms, in unconsciousness.  Remaining unaware of their own selves, they have “no root.”  The Gospel of Truth describes such existence as a nightmare.  Those who live in it experience “terror and confusion and instability and doubt and division,” being taught in “many illusions.”22       So, according to the passage scholars call the “nightmare parable,” they lived

    as if they were sunk in sleep and found themselves in disturbing dreams.  Either (there is) a place to which they are fleeing, or, without strength, they come (from) having chased after others, or they are involved in striking blows, or they are receiving blows themselves, or they have fallen from high places, or they take off into the air though they do not even have wings.  Again, sometimes (it is as) if people were murdering them, though there is no one even pursuing them, or they themselves are killing their neighbors, for they have been stained with their blood.  When those who are going through all these things wake up, they see nothing, they who were in the midst of these disturbances, for they are nothing.  Such is the way of those who have cast ignorance aside as sleep, leaving {its works} behind like a dream in the night. . . .  This is the way everyone has acted, as though asleep at the time when he was ignorant.  And this is the way he has come to knowledge, as if he had awakened.23

Whoever remains ignorant, a “creature of oblivion,” cannot experience fulfillment.  Gnostics said that such a person “dwells in deficiency” (the opposite of fulfillment).  For deficiency consists of ignorance:

   . . . As with someone’s ignorance, when he comes to have knowledge, his ignorance vanishes by itself; as the darkness vanishes when the light appears, so also the deficiency vanishes in the fulfillment.

Self-ignorance is also a form of self-destruction.  According to the Dialogue of the Savior, whoever does not understand the elements of the universe, and of himself, is bound for annihilation:

  . . . If one does not {understand} how the fire came to be, he will burn in it, because he does not know his root.  If one does not first understand the water, he does not know anything. . . . If one does not understand how the wind that blows came to be, he will run with it.  If one does not understand how the body that he wears came to be, he will perish in it. . . .  Whoever does not understand how he came will not understand how he will go . . .26

   How- or where- is one to seek self-knowledge?  Many gnostics share with psychotherapy a second major premise: both agree- against orthodox Christianity- that the psyche bears within itself the potential for liberation and destruction.  Few psychiatrists would disagree with the saying attributed to Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas:

  “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.  If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”27

Such insight comes gradually, through effort: “Recognize what is before your eyes, and what is hidden will be revealed to you.”

Such gnostics acknowledged that pursuing gnosis engages each person in a solitary, difficult process, as one struggles against internal resistance.  They characterized this resistance to gnosis as the desire to sleep or be drunk- that is, to remain unconscious.  So Jesus (who elsewhere says “I am the knowledge of the truth”)29 declares that when he came into the world

    I found them all drunk;  I found none of them thirsty.  And my soul became afflicted       for the sons of men, because they are blind in their hearts and they do not have sight; for empty they came into this world, and empty they seek to leave this world.  But for the moment they are drunk.30′

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

‘I had a crazy mother, and now Aaron has a crazy mother, too,’ said John, the Man in Black, to Kate.

I had a crazy mother.

Two sides, one is black and one is white.

‘The ISLAND is the cork.’  Keeping the wine in the bottle.

‘If the station has been infiltrated by hostiles Enter 77.’

John entered 77.  That was in Season 3 and it foreshadowed what was to come.

I turned 1 in ’77.  The year the 6 Candidates were all reunited in Dharma-ville, 3 years after Philip K. Dick was contacted by VALIS, 3 years after the flashes stopped and those who were left behind stopped time-traveling and 3 years after my parents, Charlie and Rosie, were married.

’77 was the year Annie was born.  Annie, with whom I moved to Santa Fe in ’06, was born on, March 24, (3-24) ’77.  In 2003, two years before meeting Annie, I attempted to live in Santa Fe but decided not to stay and took the long, sad Greyhound back to Massachusetts, returning to work at Iggy’s Bread in Marblehead.  Mostly because I was heartbroken by the end of the Karmen San Diego affair.  The Marblehead mug that my neighbor with HIV gave me also had something to do with it.  He gave me that mug when I left Santa Fe.  The address at which I lived in Santa Fe for two months at the beginning of 2003 was 234 Irvine St.  3-24 and 234.  4-8-15-16-23-42.  23-42.

You catching my drift here?  Or have you not been to the Beyond section yet?

‘You really gotta check it out, man.  It’s right up your alley, all that crazy number stuff!’ said Laurie White Buffalo.

Oh yes, and I musn’t forget to tell you about the Hobbit House on Maynard St. in Santa Fe.  In which Annie and I ate from the Tree of Knowledge.  Don’t let me forget to tell you about Apollo and the Apple.  218 Maynard St.

Tell me how to get to Charlie Grant’s house, said Santa Claus.

We are like hobbits, we are.


310. 12-17-10: $52.46 @ 5:24 pm

We are like hobbits.  We like comfort, routine and simple pleasures.  We are simple little homebodies.  We’re stubborn and set in our ways, aren’t we?  It is highly uncomfortable for us to go out on adventures, you know.  We don’t like change and excitement one bit.  But it looks like we’re bound for an adventure anyway, for we see the old white wizard presently approaching our doorway.  knock knock knock.


311. 1-15-12: $22.95 @ 4:22 pm- Customer tells me she has a friend whose favorite number is 22.

312. 11-16-10: $21.04 @ 4:12 pm


At the outset, Charlie and I were not sure just how many cash register synchronicities we had collected in Emergen-C boxes.  We knew it approached 300, but we didn’t know that it would well exceed 300.  You may recall that we told you the collection began in 2005.  Since 2010, the collection has more than doubled, we believe.  We now see, by looking at how many little 3 inch by 3 inch pieces of receipt paper we still haven’t logged, that the collection could be over 350.  We’ll see.

Our vision is to take the collection as a whole and graph it out or something like that.  Our intuition is that the graph will bear structural similarities to McKenna’s Time Wave Zero graph, which ends at the end of this year, 2012.  We’ll see.


Joe Smith: I make it my business to stay on top of all the latest trends.

The four donkeys stand around in formal attire, looking down at an unfolded sheet of paper held by the third donkey to the right.  They appear confused.  The donkey holding the paper, the third one to the right, is scratching his head.


Today, walking the beach, we came across a stick drawing in the sand.  It was the Sun, a circle with 13 lines (rays) extending from its edges.  We picked up a drawing rock and inscribed 13 in the sand underneath the Sun.  We stood West, facing the bright yellow Sun as it began its daily descent.


This is the back of your Unique American Grocery Store register receipt.


313. 11-06-10: $35.18 @ 5:18 pm


Oceanic Flight 815 Seating Chart


314. 3-18-11: $12.16 @ 6:12 pm


A child’s smile makes it all worthwhile.


315. 8-03-10: $42.04 @ 4:02 pm


23 42

‘Sign up for our E-Newsletter at Uniqueamericangroceries.com.  You’ll get all the news that’s not fit for register tape.’


316. 8-08-11: (Time Unknown) Back to back Totals: $16.66 followed by $16.66


Who was the last person to board Ajira Flight 316?


317. 8-13-11: $33.01 @ 7:33 pm

318. 1-13-11: $60.41 @ 5:41 pm

319. 2-13-11: $21.41 @ 2:14 pm


You are in an artist’s space.  It is a converted barn.  There are messages on the walls, in between incredibly vibrant, life-like paintings: ‘Manifestation is numerical.’

‘We can trust intuition.’  You are in New Hampshire.

You are in the White Mountains in 1996.  Looking into the campfire at night you see the rise and fall of The Empire.  You are overcome by a feeling something like euphoria.  Tears fall from your eyes, both from the light and heat of the crackling fire and from the overwhelming feeling of what is being revealed to you: All Time is One.  We are All One.  You experience the gift of Atonement- At-one-ment.

Though the Empire never ended, it does have an ending.  Its end is its beginning.  It is NOW.  The battle is WON.


320. 11-21-11: $17.72 @ 7:17 pm

321. 11-21-11: @ 4:37 pm, the Customer’s Total is $10.10 for 10 items.

322. 11-20-11: $72.21 @ 4:21 pm

323. 1-13-12: $30.81 @ 5:30 pm

324. 1-31-11: $15.06 @ 5:06 pm @ Store #506


Charlie and I met Annie, born 3-24, at Store #506 (when it was still in Swampscott).

Has this already happened?  I died already, didn’t I? ?

All of these mysterious clues.  Raising questions, but providing no answers.  Who are you?  You there, watching me sleep and then wake up on the black futon mat in the CVS parking lot?  Who, or WHAT are you?  And who are the 9 giant hawks that transform into 9 giant people clad in golden warrior garb?  Is it really advisable for me to be following one of them, just because she is beautiful?  Do I know anything here?

I know that I do not know.

What is real, Neo?

This is the beginning of metaphysics.


325. 1-15-12: $23.34 @ 4:30 pm

326. Date Undocumented: $20.39 @ 4:39 pm


Number 327, just ‘randomly’ picked from the collection, is a printed receipt (as opposed to a reprinted receipt), one of the unique ones, like the one with Silver Starr and Ted Peaceman at Registers 7 & 8.  This one, number 327, is my receipt from my purchase on my lunch break on January 29, 2012.  It is at Silver Starr’s Register at the End of Her-Story, AKA Register 6.


327. 1-29-12: (my own purchase) $6.09 @ 6:09 pm


It was a recent Sunday.  Crazily busy as usual at Store #506 on Sunday.  Charlie and I had been on register for like 10 minutes.  Register 7, if I remember correctly.  It was the day we were given this trapezoidal little piece of red rock from the Jemez Mountains.

Recently, we had firmly decided that by hook or by crook we were going to move back to New Mexico this year, that the signs all pointed to it being our destiny.  We had been in the zone, so to speak, caffeinated and ready to go, scanning the groceries rapid-fire, quick-draw and beaming good cheer at the Customer.  Dreadlocks swaying to and fro, sunlight beaming through the giant windows to our right and behind us.  ‘How are you?’ I asked the smiling Customer.  She hesitated, said, ‘Well…’, then another pause.  Customers swarming the registers at Unique American Grocery Store #506 on Route 1 in Saugus, Massachusetts.  Filtering out the cacophony.  Whilst most likely in the throes of theophany.

‘Are you divine?’ we asked her, the word divine on our minds from the previous customer, with whom we were talking about ‘divine 9.’

‘Actually, I might be,’ she said.  ‘I just got back from a retreat in New Mexico, at Santa Ana Pueblo.’  I was visibly blown backwards by this, yet also not altogether surprised, considering all the unbelievable ‘coincidences’ I had already witnessed.  It ended with her giving me the little piece of trapezoidal red rock from The Jemez (pronounced Hem-ez), which now rests next to my yellow laptop into which I am typing.


Charlie and I have also experienced much random deja-vu and much random e.s.p.  Perhaps it IS all ME?  I somehow magnetically draw it to myself, perhaps.  Or, on a deeper level, generate all of it, the whole kit and kaboodle.  All of it is pointing to a power residing within me, a power which at present only manifests itself at random because I haven’t learned how to master and employ it with conscious intention.  ?


Cheyenne to your register.

The pulse quickens.  Kokopelli dances himself into an electric frenzy.  The sperm warriors march into battle.

Wake up, Neo.


328. 02-02-12: $7.57 @ 4:57 pm


“Oh, you’re a numbers guy,” says the Customer at the End of His-story.

“Actually, it’s not so much that I’m into numbers.  It seems more like numbers are into me.”


Manifestation is Numerical.

This is the Great Mystery.

This is the Awakening.

The Hatch.

The Birth of Hawke.


329. 11-21-11: $29.52 @ 7:52 pm

330. Date Undocumented: $60.33 @ 6:36 pm

331. Date Undocumented: $44.45 @ 6:44 pm

332. 11-10-11: $7.43 @ 4:37 pm


1916 penny


333. 08-19-09: $6.63 @ 5:53 pm


Taos Pueblo, New Year’s


334. 12-22-11: $58.93 @ 6:58 pm

335. 02-09-12: $51.10 @ 5:51 pm

336. 12-04-11: $17.59 @ 12:59 pm


Healthy Workplace Bill


The Dreaded Hawke

Earth Shoes @ Wal-Mart


337. 01-28-12: $40.52 @ 4:52 pm

338. 01-28-12: @6:01 pm: Customer tells Charlie and I the following: “I’ve been in here 3 times this week.  Each time my purchase has ended in 66 cents- $10.66, $7.66 and now this one at your register: $17.66.”


Watson 339


339. 01-13-12: It is Friday, the thirteenth, and Ted Peaceman comes up to me at my Checkstand at The End of My-Story.  “You know how today’s Friday the Thirteenth.” says Ted.  Actually, I have not realized it is Friday the Thirteenth.  Now I have something to talk to customers about.  I can ask them if they happen to know how Friday the Thirteenth got its infamous and dreaded reputation.  Charlie and I just happen to know how: the Knights Templar, who many say morphed into the Freemasons, were excommunicated and burnt at the stake by the Roman Catholic Church on Friday the Thirteenth in the year 1307.  Ted continues, “Well, I had these back to back totals today: $66.66 and $43.43.”

340. 08-03-10: $41.14 @ 5:14 pm


Foo Fighters- Bobby: ‘Dance your dance.’


341. 02-20-11: $17.40 @ 1:47 pm

342. 1-28-12: $21.44 @ 4:44 pm

343. 02-06-12: $31.00 @ 8:00 pm


Ethan Costello, 3-11-11


344. 12-26-10: $32.20 @ 2:03 pm


Thomas Kuhn

CORNundrum- Grand Prize Drawing


345. 11-05-11: $20.65 @ 5:26 pm

346. 02-20-07: $9.58 @ 9:58 pm

347. $22.22 @ 1:24 pm on 2-24-07.  5-29-77: Forest

348. 11-28-10: @ 1:53 pm- $49.49 followed by $59.59

349. 11-28-10: $24.02 @ 4:22 pm

350. 08-24-10: $44.43 @ 4:34 pm


‘We’re pretty sure you’re going to love the groceries you just bought.  But on the off chance you’re not 100% happy with something you bought, you can bring it back for a full refund.  No questions asked.  Really.’

‘And the award for Best Values,’


351. 10-23-10: $30.62 @ 8:30 pm


Figaro’s- Beach St.


352. 02-10-11: $45.70 @ 5:47 pm


‘Minor aches today are likely to pay off handsomely tomorrow.’


353. 12-19-10: @ 10:25 am- back to back totals: $19.47 followed by $19.46

354. 06-25-11: $28.58 @ 5:58 pm

355. 02-13-11: $49.79 @ 9:49 am


1946 giant brain


356. 12-10-10: $19.14 @ 5:19 pm

357. 02-19-11: $19.31 @ 7:31 pm


‘Has anyone ever told you you look like Leif Garret?’ asked the Customer.




358. 01-30-12: $98.20 @ 08:29 pm


LOST CinemaCafe


359. 12-04-11: 22 items in Customer’s purchase @ 12:20 pm


Frank the Christmas Devil


360. Unknown Date (We believe this one was a couple of weeks ago, in this early part of 2012, the year to end all years, perhaps.  We’ll find out soon enough, won’t we?  The days are zipping by like wild horses, as Joe Smith texted us the other day.  Some say that time is speeding up because the Earth’s Electromagnetic Pulse is speeding up.)  $24.68 @ 4:24 pm


That Customer’s name was John F. (can’t recall last name).  I know that because I had to enter his credit card manually- the magnetic strip was so worn that it would not scan into the unique old american credit card machine.

We’ve told you several times now about our connection to John F. Kennedy.  My birthdate is the same as his- May 29- and my father’s birthdate is the day he was assassinated- November 22.  As already stated, my inner sense- my intuition- is that JFK and I are psycho-spiritually related; the birthdate synchronicity is a prearranged trigger to jolt me into recollection and exploration of the connection, in addition to being a potential doorway to multi-dimensional awareness.  This is what we believe all synchronicity- meaningful coincidence- could be: an access point to multi-dimensional awareness.

Well, the customer following John F. just so happened to be my cousin Patrick, whom I had not seen in at least a decade, I believe.  It took me a second to recognize him.  For me this served as a validation that I’m definitely onto something with the JFK connection, the sense that I’m related to him in some mysterious yet real way.  I also took it as yet another indication of the value of recognizing meaningful coincidences when they happen.


PKD’s Exegesis, Appendix of VALIS, pg. 257:

“Tractates: Cryptica Scriptura

1. One mind there is; but under it two principles contend.

2. The Mind lets in the light, then the dark, in interaction; so time is generated.  At the end Mind awards victory to the light; time ceases and the Mind is complete.

3. He causes things to look different so it would appear time has passed.

4. Matter is plastic in the face of Mind.

5. One by one he draws us out of the world.

6. The Empire never ended.

7. The Head Apollo is about to return.  St. Sophia is going to be born again; she was not acceptable before.  The Buddha is in the park.  Siddhartha sleeps (but is going to awaken).  The time you have waited for has come.”


I know this may seem sudden, but we have reached the end of the line, folks.

Sorry, but it is time for departure.  Everybody off.

Please feel free to take a complimentary Apollo bar with you on your way out.

The Emergen-C boxes have been emptied, it’s over for now.  We really have nothing more to add at this time.  Every journey has its end, yeah?  See ya in another life, brotha.

It ends like it began.  I’m still as lost as I was at the outset, left with more questions than answers, the puzzle unsolved.  But maybe to solve the puzzle, to get to where I need to be, this has to end first.  We’ll see.

Or maybe there is no solving of the puzzle.  Or maybe there is no puzzle at all.

Yeah, yeah, we’ll see Charlie.

In the end, maybe it doesn’t matter if I become a superhero or not, or whether I find my own version of the Island or not.  Maybe what really matters now is whether I can live a full life and be as present as possible for it.  I want to be as kind and openhearted as I can.

Whatever storms lie ahead I know the best response is always love, not fear or hatred.  I am striving now to operate from the prefrontal lobe and the heart center, instead of the reptillian brain stem.

I hope you are too.

The Kingdom of Heaven is within you.

Blessed Be.


361. 11-20-11: $74.94 @ 4:49 pm


“And the award for Best Values, Most Innovative Products and Best-Dressed Crew Members in a Supporting Role goes to…”

“Hmm, I wonder who it could be…”

“I thought I knew.  Until the ‘best-dressed’ part…”


362. 10-16-10: $6.53 @ 6:53 pm


“The Red Book” Jung


363. 1-16-12: $35.54 @ 8:54 pm

364. 02-19-11: $37.16 @ 7:16 pm


Kokopelli dances in the moonlight while playing a haunting, sweet and sorrowful tune on his flute. 

You are the wounded hero.  You are surrounded by bamboo.  You are in a bamboo grove.  A yellow labrador lay next to you.  Close-up of your eye.  Your eye closes.  The Pulse stops…

for now.


About kylegrant76

Eye am that Eye am
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