16. 11-22-11

This is actually the beginning.  Although it may appear to be the middle.


PKD’s Exegesis (cont.)

“40. To be ‘born again,’ or ‘born from above,’ or ‘born of the Spirit,’ means to become healed; which is to say restored, restored to sanity.  Thus it is said in the New Testament that Jesus casts out devils.  He restores our lost faculties.  Of our present debased state Calvin said, ‘(Man) was at the same time deprived of those supernatural endowments which had been given him for the hope of eternal salvation.  Hence it follows, that he is exiled from the Kingdom of God, in such a manner that all the affections relating to the happy life of the soul are also extinguished in him, till he recovers them by the grace of God . . . All these things, being restored by Christ, are esteemed adventitious and preternatural; and therefore we conclude that they had been lost.  Again: soundness of mind and rectitude of heart were also destroyed; and this is the corruption of the natural talents.  For although we retain some portion of understanding and judgement together with the will, yet we cannot say that our mind is perfect and sound.  Reason . . . being a natural talent, it could not be totally destroyed, but is partially debilitated . . . ‘  I say, ‘The Empire never ended.'”


The beginning is the end and the end is the beginning.  But the beginning is not the end and the end is not the beginning.  It is a circle.  But it is not a circle.  It is here and there, yet it is also neither here nor there.  You know?

Charlie got his dad Charlie a card and cupcakes from the Unique American Grocery Store last night (or should I say morning, since Charlie worked til midnight?).  The cupcakes are delicious and called Divine Nine.

I am what I am, Bananaman.


112. 9-15-11: $41.12 @ 5:12 pm

113. 8-01-11: $45.84 @ 5:48 pm

114. 6-08-11: $54.41 @ 4:41 pm


Do you hear that music playing loud and in stereo?  Do you know where you are?  You’re in the grocery aisle/jungle, baby.  You’re in a portal to Charlie’s brain and you’re in Unique American Grocery Store #506 on a Saturday afternoon and Stevie Wonder’s ‘Very Superstitious’ plays on the stereo.  Out struts Bananaman onto the floor, Hawaiian helms nut necklaces dangling from his neck, love-infused high-fives going out to the Customer, Mass Appeal broadcasting from his yellow stem at the top of his head.  The Customer smiles from ear to shining ear.

Thanks to his stem, Bananaman stands over six feet tall.  He is a Grocery Superhero.  Able to direct you to the Couscous or Chocolate Raspberry Wafer Cakes you cannot find in a single bound.  Faster than a tomato thrown by Pedro.

He is Yellow as the Sun.  He is Joy and he is Levity.  He is Kindness.  He is Organic and All Natural.  He is Smooth and Sweet.  He is here to help heal the Split, he is here to bring levity into the gravity and joy into the sorrow.  He is Banana Balance.  He is transformational and educational.  He is transpersonal and interdimensional.  He is pure Elegance, Style, Grace, Wit and Charm.  He is friend and ally of the Customer, Worker and All Peoples of Earth, from the child to the elder.   He blesses their bunches of 19 cent-a-piece bananas by holding them to his stem and chanting Om, the Sacred Sound which gives birth to Form, the One Sound at the Beginning of the One Song, the Uni-verse.  The Word At The Beginning.

Bananaman is British, Liverpudlian to be precise.  Bananaman is Charlie in a big, beautiful Banana Suit and yellow-tinted circular sunglasses, yet he is also not Charlie in a big, beautiful Banana Suit and yellow-tinted circular sunglasses.  Bananman is and he is not.  And he is neither of these as well.

‘What, did you draw the short straw?’ the customer asks Bananaman.

‘No, I drew the long one,’ is his reply.

‘Do they make you wear that costume?’ the customer asks Bananaman.

‘What costume?’ is his reply.

‘How are you?’ the customer asks Bananaman.

‘I am Ripening,’ is his reply.


Charlie is Bananaman and he is not Bananaman.  Charlie is the guy who works at the Unique Grocery Store and he is not the guy who works at the Unique Grocery Store.

Earlier tonight, while pumping gas into his Chevy, Charlie learned how to make a car air-freshener.  The nice woman on the t.v. at the gas pump said all you have to do is cut out a piece of cardboard (she made a nice heart-shape with red cardboard), apply a few dabs of your favorite essential oil, just hang it from you rear-view mirror and walla!  Instant homemade car freshener.  Charlie may or may not make one.  And Charlie may not or may not not make one.  We shall see and we also shall not see.

Perhaps Charlie expressed many opinions and assumptions in much of what was thought to have been the beginning but was actually something else altogether.  Perhaps it was the ending of the beginning or the beginning of the end, or something.  Perhaps it was the beginning of the end of Charlie’s assumptions and opinions, perhaps he is done making an ass of u and me.  Who knows?  Ya neva know..

You know what they say about opinions and assumptions.  Opinions are like assholes (everyone’s got one- an expression Charlie’s mom Rosie is quite fond of) and when you assume you make an ass of u and me.  This is wisdom, yet it is also ignorance.  & this is not wisdom, yet it is also not ignorance.

Maybe the reason he made so many assumptions and expressed so many opinions is that he had become disconnected from the Source-the Universal- the Creator- God- once again.  The disconnected & alienated ego, in its insecurity and self-imposed isolation and in an effort to get the energy charge it is lacking because it is not plugged-in to God, forms opinions, makes assumptions, takes sides in conflicts, gossips and generally just meddles and makes a mess of things.  It is off-center and out of balance.  It is Koyanisquatsi.  It is the World Today.

Charlie is reconnecting now.  His system has been re-booted and he’s seeming less likely to go off on opinion and assumption-laden rantings; I think he won’t be claiming again that he knows what all the 666 business is about.  I do believe we won’t have to listen to him opine and such any longer, that he is really done with feeding the flames of Duality once and for all this time.  We can only hope.

Charlie knows that he knows, while he also knows that he doesn’t know.  He knows that when you claim to know something all you do is freeze the flow of energy to and from consciousness and sever your mind from its Source called God, Who can only be found in the Present and can only be perceived directly with the eyes of a newborn.  Knowledge is of the past and can block the mind’s access to the Present.

God is a word, a sign pointing to something else, like the Tree is a word, a sign pointing to something else.  Just as God is God and Tree is Tree God is also Not God and Tree is also Not Tree.  It is easy to confuse the sign for that to which it points.  And it is also easy to confuse that to which the sign points for the sign itself.  The sign’s function, of course, is to direct your attention to that to which it points.  You must go beyond the Sign to find what is.  (In addition to what is not.  & what neither is nor is not.)

As you follow me be sure not to follow me; as you listen to me please do not listen to me, for in knowing the Way I do not know the Way.

You, The Customer Who Art The World, do not need to change (though Charlie may hand change back to you).  Nor do you need to be changed.  You  simply need finally to be the fullness of All You Are and All You Are Not.  Stand and consciously face Who You Really Are and Who You Really Are Not.  This takes unconditional love, this takes radically & extraordinarily honest openness, this takes radically extraordinary humility, this takes extraordinarily radical acceptance.  This takes letting go.  This takes surrender.

See Charlie down by the river, emptying his cup filled with opinions and assumptions into the river.  See him calmly and confidently flowing in the Present, shaking hands with the Customer, smiling and looking her in the eye.  See him free of worldly garments and gnashing of teeth.  See him opening his eyes wide as a newborn.  He is New Charlie, as 22 thinks of him.

The ego re-links to Source, its creative energy output, when it surrenders.  When it lets go of desire to control, when it stops damning the river.  When it empties itself of past and future, empties itself of all assumptions, opinions and false expectations,  and dwells consciously in the Present.  This is the Transformation of Consciousness.  This is the Healing of the Split.  This is Sacred Marriage.  This is the End of the World As We Know It and the Beginning of the World As It Is.

Charlie walks into CVS, the door opening automatically and beeping, loudly announcing Charlie’s arrival in this bastion of Pharmaceuticals and Conspicuously Inconspicuous Consumption.  A big sign at the entrance reads: It’s You vs. The Flu.  It’s a flu-shot ad and it is an excellent symbol of the world of sin (missing the mark), this is the alienated ego’s world of excessive competition and polarization in a nutshell, thinks Charlie.  It’s You vs. The Flue, rather than You and The Flue.

It’s Health vs. Sickness, instead of health and sickness.  It’s Individual vs. Society, instead of individual and society.  It’s You vs. Me, instead of You and Me.

Although you are my friend and my enemy, you are neither my friend nor my enemy.  Although you are Charlie and you are not Charlie, you are neither Charlie nor not Charlie. Although this is Wisdom and Ignorance, it is also not wisdom and not ignorance.  Although We are the Halluci-Nation, we are also not the Halluci-Nation.

Who are you?  You are paradox and you are also not paradox.  You are Observer and Observed and you are also Not Observer and Not Observed.  You are Liberal and Conservative and you are also Not Liberal and Not Conservative.  You are the Valley of the Shadow of Death and you are Not the Valley of the Shadow of Death.  You are fear and you are not fear.  You are the spoken and the unspoken simultaneously.  This is Intelligence and this is Stupidity.  This is the two in one and the one in two and this is not the two in one and the one in two.

‘I am you and you are me, yet I am not you and you are not me,’ says Charlie/ Bananaman to the Customer At The Checkstand At The Beginning of the End.  It is Checkstand number 3.  It is everywhere and it is nowhere and it not everywhere and it is not nowhere.  ‘We are the two in one and the one in two, yet we are also not these.  Do you comprehend paradox?’ asks Bananaman.

‘Being born I am not born.  And dying I do not die,’ he continues.

Meanwhile, Penny Moon sits and smokes a cigarette in the basement of her mom’s house.  She is depressed and having suicidal thoughts again.  She turns 33 in a couple of weeks.  It is February, 1997 and tomorrow outside of her workplace called Photo-Fantastic, located in Vinnin Plaza in the town of Swampscott, Massachusetts, she meets Charlie Fitzgerald Grant for the first time.


115. 5-15-11: $64.03 @ 3:46 pm

116. 8-19-11: $7.05 @ 5:07 pm

117. 5-15-11: $12.46 @ 12:46 pm


Meanwhile, it is November 17 or 18 or something in 2011.  Charlie talks with Lek Smith, one of his supervisors.  It is in the breakroom of Unique American Grocery Store #506.  Charlie tells Lek about his book, mentions the possibility of deciphering a coded message in the cash register synchronicities.  ‘Have you seen that movie Knowings starring Nicholas Cage?’ asks Lek Smith.

‘Yes, I have.’  says Charlie.  ‘My dad insisted I watch it with him a couple moons ago.  Yeah, I liked that one.  I wonder if something like that is going on here.’

‘Could be.’  says Lek.  ‘You never know.’

Charlie arrives home from work near 1 am.  First thing Father Charlie says to Son Charlie, ‘Did you watch that movie Knowings starring Nicholas Cage with me?’

You never know.  And you always know.  But you also never never know and never always know.  You know?

About kylegrant76

Eye am that Eye am
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